Methadone: A Flicker Of Light In The Dark

Methadone: A Flicker Of Light In The Dark

To provide a better understanding of the very important role methadone plays in the treatment of addiction.
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 Good Morning!! My name is Jo and I'm a Recovering addict.

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Number of posts : 13
Location : Detroit, Mi aka The "D"!!
Job/hobbies : Stay @ home Mama
Humor : pervert...;P
Registration date : 2012-07-21

PostSubject: Good Morning!! My name is Jo and I'm a Recovering addict.   Wed Jul 25, 2012 12:36 pm

I'm so happy I found this site. I love reading all the topics and It's so comforting to know that I'm not alone, not in the least!! Smile Where to start, were to start....let me just say that in order for me to type this all out fast i wont be using too much "correct grammer" lol, just go along haha.

i started taking vicodin for extreme back pain that i started having aprox 2 weeks after i had my son, Phillip. my mother-in-law gave me a few vic's because i was laying on my bed in a fetal position crying and trying to take care of my new baby. i took 1 and in about 45 mins i was up cleaning up and starting dinner!! my pain wasnt completley gone of course but damn that one little pill helped my pain and i felt awesome....i was happy and completely calm. i was hooked!! Sad Twisted Evil 1 turned into 2, 2 turned into 3 and on and on and on. All i ever thought about was vicodin. as soon as i would open my eyes in the morning my back pain would be excrusating and i'd roll over and grab my pill bottle and take 5 right off rip on an empty stomach as soon as i woke up. of course i got my own doctor and my own prescription for vicodin. i asked my mother-in-law where she got her pills and she told me. i was on the phone as soon as she was finished jotting down the telephone number to mi neurology associates. I got my 1st appointment scheduled for the next day!! i was so happy i got in that fast that i took it as a sign that my pain releif was gonna be coming to a screeching hault.

i thought my doctor was awesome!! he prescribed me 120 norco to take 4 times a day as needed for pain. i really was in legit pain and taking the pills for the pain, getting high was just an added bounus (at first!!). so once i got my own bottle of pills in my hand i took them all day long. I wasnt trying to just get high but i guess my thinking was like "oh these pills are taking the pain away 100%(my pain was completely gone when i took enough of them) ANNND its making my mood so much better, i feel like nothing could ever go wrong and i was just in BLISS!! so i took my entire bottle (120 pills) within 4 days!!!! I did give my mother-in-law back like 20 pills for helping me out before i got to the dr and i gave some to my fiance. (he took some here and there for fun, he didnt get hooked on them right away....he is now hooked but thats a different story!!)

About 2 or 3 days after i ran out of the norcos (or vic's, to me there all the same just different amounts of tylenol and hydrocodone) i felt like ass!! and i didnt know why..i just chalked it off as i got the flu or something. after a week with "the flu" i was able to get more norcos and you all know what happend, i felt better....all the DT's went away and i was like....WOW these pills even get rid of the flu LMAO!! anway, so long story short I was taking norco, vic's, perocet or any kind of narcotic pain pill. the first time i went to rehab was June 17th, 2011-July 1st, 2011. (Sacret Heart Rehabillation Center in Memphis, Michigan). I was taking 15-40 pills a day depending on how many I could get my hands on the first time I went to rehab. It was also 3 years later (from the first time i took a vic from my mother-in-law after my Son was born) so my addiction had progressed Sad. While in rehab I made some friends (some are still clean still and some arent Sad ) and we even kept in touch, well i kept in touch with some I shold say.

1 girl I kept in contact with was Mel, she was my roomate in rehab. She even got discharged the same day as me. As were riding home in the transporation van from rehab were sitting in the back row with like 3 other people getting taken home also from rehab with us and once ur dischaged they give u whatever u came there with, even if its pills!! (which is stupid) and when i got there i had a script for xanax with me so when i got dischaged they have to give it back. (i had xanax for my anxiety at the time and i brought them with me thinking they would give it to me in rehab....yes, i was stupid for thinking they would give me another controlled substance!!) SO of corse as soon as i got it i took 3 of them!! (i relapsed the same effing day i got out...i was on my way home from rehab and relapsed before i even got pathetic, sorry anyway...) My "friend" Mel also had some shit with her ( i think she had the xanny bars, vic's annnnd some somas. so we all shared and i was so messed up when i got home, my Mom left the house and went home crying cuz she saw me wasted and trying to walk, slurring my speech and ugh, it just makes me sick thinking about what i put everyone through. so i relapsed and started to drink vodka too now because buying the v's off the street for $3 a pill was waaaaaaay too much money, so i drank straight vodka when i had withdrawals to "get through them" better.

i never intended to become an alcoholic!! Sad it got so bad that i HAD to drink so that i wouldnt die or have a seziuer. i had the shakes so bad, omg....i just looked and felt terrible....i was dying, my liver enzymes were crazy, my pancreas was inflammed(from all the tylenol from the v's and all the vodka), i couldnt eat anything without throwing it up. i could only keep down vodka and pain pills. ugh yuck, it makes me sick to my stomach typing all this out. so one day i was bored already half in the bag and had 9 v's left so i called my "friend" Mel from rehab to see how she is doing and if she wants to hang out. she is still using she tells me and i tell her what ive been doing and then all of a sudden im asking her if i can come hang out with her. she came to get me and we were just hanging out at her house watching tv and drinkng ( i brought over my vodka so we cld do something since we were both broke.) and we started talking about poems. Then she asked if I ever read the "Lady Heroin" poem and i said no so she looked it up on her phone and read it to me. You would think that i would stay away from the drug after hearing that poem, but i didnt. soon she was off on her bike off to the dope mans house to score some "H" so i could try it to see what the big deal was. **remember i said we were broke** she came back with more then i thought she would get for a "sample" come to find out she did "SOMETHING" for it. I kinda figured it out anyway on my own cuz she brought back 3 packs ($30 worth) and we just had 9 vics that i brought with me.

so there i am with her purse around my arm (we didnt have anything to tie my arm off, she didnt need to do any of that....she just "followed the dots" (her words....cuz of her tracks) and as soon as she pushed it into my veins I was just nodding off with the biggest smile on my face. i felt effing fantastic, never ever, ever feeling this way before in my life!! i was immediatly addicted!! Evil or Very Mad Twisted Evil however, the next day i went back home and didnt pick up heroin again until almost a year later. So i keep doing the v's and vodka until i was sick and tired of being sick and tired so i got into another rehab. This time I went to Oakdale Recovery Center in Canton, Michigan. While in that rehab I made more friends and I actually got dischaged AMA because I had found an atvian in my purse (I didnt know it was in there!! and they missed it too cuz they checked all my belongings for drugs and weapons when i first got there) and i took it!! Sad of corse i made the mistake of telling a friend i took it and a girl overheard me and told on me. (I only had one and i wasnt gonna give it to anyone but i understand why she told on me even though i was pissed at the time.) so they did a U.A. and i failed, but it said i had Benzos (from the ativan) AND amphiames (spelling wrong i know sorry) in my test, I said I took an ativan i found in my bag but i did not take any amphiamines, i dont even know what that is lol so that still confuses me as to why it said i had 2 things in my system. i asked her what it was and she said "like speed" so im thinking that maybe something theyerb earli were giving me made the test show up + for amphimaines. so I got discharged early and instead of going home I went wth a friend i meet at rehab earlier....(i meet him at the rehab i got kicked out of) he was dischaged early for medical reasons at home so he came and got me and the next day we relaped. he was a heroin addict!! So i started doing heroin, it was cheaper than $3 a pill and lasted all day (if it was good shit) and the high was better. I finally went home after about 2 weeks of partying with my new rehab friend (his name was Shane....he died of and OD 3.19.12 Sad Crying or Very sad pale ). My family was so disapointed in me and i lost so much respect and trust. i was a horrible mother, a horrible daughter, shitty future wife and just a horrible person all together.

After about 3 months of using heroin, vic's and drinking i triend getting back into rehab but i didnt have anymore funding for the year so i called an ambulance and got admmited in the hospital for alcohol withdrawal. i stopped drinking and havent drank since December 2011!!!! What a Face i still couldnt kick the opiod habit!! i continued taking vicodin and snorting heroin (shooting up also but only when i had someone to shoot me up, i didnt use heroin long enough to teach myself to shoot myself up, i used heroin for about 6-7 months total) until i was sick of being a shitty mother to my son and just not having a rewarding life. I wanted to do something with my life, I dunno something just clicked and I was finally ready to stop getting high!! I called P.A.C.E (which is a program that funds the rehab and helps you get into rehab and all that) and my case manager called me back and told me to come into the office. I did the next day and she told me that rehab is not the answer for me and that she thinks methadone is what I need. I was freaking out when she said that cuz i knew people that were on methadone before and i saw them having the DT's and pass out and all that so i told her noooo way. methadone is effing worse than heroin, are you nuts!!??!! lol. Thank God she set me up on methadone becaus emy life is so much better now. I get up everyday at 6-7am, go dose, come home, wake my beautiful son up and just spend my entire day being a mom and I absolutley LOVE MY LIFE!!!! I do so much in one day then i ever did in a whole month while I was "partying". I look back and Im emberessed at the shit i pulled, and said and all the times i was drunk and didnt think anyone knew, ugh omg all i can do is laugh now, anyway, sorry if i rambled and my sentences ran together and i didnt use any grammer so I aplogize, I just wanted to get everything out fast before my computer froze and i lost everything i typed.

Thanks to whoever read my novel LOL!! lol! Sorry for the typos, mis-spellings, shitty grammer and lack of puntual marks!! Very Happy

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Number of posts : 68
Location : Over the rainbow
Registration date : 2011-10-11

PostSubject: Re: Good Morning!! My name is Jo and I'm a Recovering addict.   Wed Jul 25, 2012 9:19 pm

What a grand story you have there. It is very close to my story but unlike you I have wasted30 years before I let methadone help me. Don't make that mistake.
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Number of posts : 484
Age : 60
Location : Vermont
Registration date : 2009-03-05

PostSubject: Re: Good Morning!! My name is Jo and I'm a Recovering addict.   Wed Jul 25, 2012 9:31 pm

Thank you for sharing with us Jo, I hope that now that you have seen what you can be you continue on with your new life.
I am sorry to hear of your friends passing. The loss of a friend is hard and it is something we don't get over. We can only learn and take the experience and let it guide us.

You do have your life ahead of you and the life of your son, take time to live and enjoy that little one. I used until I was in my early 40's. My sister was the person who talked to me about Methadone and at first I didn't like the idea but it saved my life and allowed me to realize that there is life after addiction.
I am glad to have you here with us, keep posting

"I will let yesterday end so that today can begin"

Never take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider
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Number of posts : 48
Age : 35
Location : Maryville, Tennessee 37804
Job/hobbies : Program Director, Counseling Solutions of Chatsworth
Registration date : 2013-03-03

PostSubject: Re: Good Morning!! My name is Jo and I'm a Recovering addict.   Thu Apr 25, 2013 1:43 am

Thanks for sharing your story @tokeNsmoke420! It was nice to read someone put such effort & detail into telling their story (and sometimes telling our stories can be therapeutic for us as well)... I'm glad you found this forum. I've been absent from the forum the past few weeks, but I'm going to prioritize making the online MMT support forums I am a member of part of my daily routine. :-)

So nice to meet u!

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Good Morning!! My name is Jo and I'm a Recovering addict.
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