Methadone: A Flicker Of Light In The Dark

Methadone: A Flicker Of Light In The Dark

To provide a better understanding of the very important role methadone plays in the treatment of addiction.
 
HomeHome  PortalPortal  GalleryGallery  RegisterRegister  Log inLog in  

Share | 
 

 I'm getting off Methadone. I'm going to document my experience here.

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
Go to page : 1, 2, 3, 4  Next
AuthorMessage
NoMoreTears



Male
Number of posts : 73
Location : CA
Registration date : 2013-04-24

PostSubject: I'm getting off Methadone. I'm going to document my experience here.   Thu Apr 25, 2013 2:51 pm

I'm down from 145mg's to 125mg's. I'm going down 10mg's per week at this time. At 80mg's I'm going to back off to 5mg's per week. I'm going to share my experiences with the process here for anyone that may be considering getting off themselves. It's been a great program, but now after a year and 4 months it's time to get clean all together. Already after coming down 20mg's I'm experiencing more energy. Also, I have been feeling strong attraction to women that are around me. It's pretty amazing the difference in the way I feel already. Yesterday I went for a walk and just felt really good. I know that this process is going to be tough, but I also think it's going to be positive at the same time. I gained a total of 40lbs on the methadone program and could not keep it off for the life of me. At any rate, this is my second drop in two week. So far I just feel more energy and am horny. I actually am feeling more like myself and more alive also.

I deleted my ex's number from my phone. When she contacts me again I'm just going to let her know I'm on the wagon for good this time. One thing I have learned over the years is that all those old friends are always there waiting to get high with me if I want to use again. Well, that is if they aren't locked up or something...


Last edited by eddyTaylor on Thu May 02, 2013 1:26 pm; edited 1 time in total
Back to top Go down
View user profile
NoMoreTears



Male
Number of posts : 73
Location : CA
Registration date : 2013-04-24

PostSubject: Re: I'm getting off Methadone. I'm going to document my experience here.   Sat Apr 27, 2013 10:45 am

4/27/2013 - Dose 125mg
234lbs!

Well I'm at 125mg and of course I don't feel anything yet. Figured that would be the case. I'm going to closely monitor my withdraw symptoms each time I decrease my dose. I'm at day 4 of my last decrease from 135 for 125 and feel the same. But, one thing I have noticed is my dreams are enhanced. One other thing I have noticed is my mood has improved to. I'm NOT going to use during this detox and withdraw no matter what! I pray to God this is my last stint with drug addiction. I was sober a year before getting to the clinic. But, I meant girl in the program and she put me through the wringger and I used again. My fault, but this next time around I'm NOT going to just date any girl. I'm going to get to know who she is before I'm in bed and in love with her. My history has been fully in LOVE in 3 days after meeting.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
NoMoreTears



Male
Number of posts : 73
Location : CA
Registration date : 2013-04-24

PostSubject: Re: I'm getting off Methadone. I'm going to document my experience here.   Sun Apr 28, 2013 8:55 am

4/28/2013 - Dose 125mg 4:44am
231lbs

I have been dreaming more than ever. My dreams have intensified a lot since I have been going down on my dose. Also, I woke up this morning with a little bit of anxiety. That feeling of a fear in my body a little bit. Also about 30mins after being up I started sneezing uncontrolable for about 1min. After the sneezing I was actually so lightheaded i had to lean on the counter for a second to handle it. Right before that my stomach was feeling a little bit tight and i burped up some liquid from the night before, not a lot but just a little. I'm a little bit sweaty also. Oh, that picture I posted of myself is me as a kid with my little brother Jeff. He died three years ago from an accidental overdose. I lost myself after he died unexpected because we had just spent Christmas with each other snowboarding and snowmobiling and staying in Leavenworth in the mountains. He was clean 18months that trip and then a week later he died. I started feeling my feelings again more already also. I have 4 carries on Friday and then am at the clinic on wed, thurs and fri. I'm not going to take my dose until later this morning. I'm going to try and get into the habit of almost forgetting to take that dose. First thing when I wake up I'm going to go into prayer. I read some good readings this morning also! I know this isn't shit yet, so I'm going to enjoy these days of this high dose. This is day 5 after going down again. I'm sure I'm going to see some patterns here. One more thing I noticed is I have the need to stretch again in the morning. After I'm up I need to do big stretches like when i was clean and just waking up.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Jackie Ann



Female
Number of posts : 5
Age : 48
Location : kentucky
Job/hobbies : reading and walking
Registration date : 2013-03-16

PostSubject: Re: I'm getting off Methadone. I'm going to document my experience here.   Sun Apr 28, 2013 10:48 am

Hey man it sounds like you have a awesome plan coming down 10mg a week just seems like alot to me.Do you have a time frame your trying to exit the clinic? I have been going to the clinic for a little over 2 years and my doctor ask me if im ready to start going down but im not ready im scared.I wish you luck and you no if things get hard you can always hold on your dose.I enjoy reading your updates so please continue.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
D
Admin
avatar

Female
Number of posts : 484
Age : 59
Location : Vermont
Registration date : 2009-03-05

PostSubject: Re: I'm getting off Methadone. I'm going to document my experience here.   Mon Apr 29, 2013 9:09 am

Good luck, and please keep posting. Please do remember that if you get to feeling like 10mg a week is too much you can slow that does a little bit. I do understand the want to be free of all medications but if it comes at a risk of your recovery, it isn't worth all that you have gone through.
Please do keep posting and good luck


"I will let yesterday end so that today can begin"



Never take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://www.medicalassistedtreatment.org
NoMoreTears



Male
Number of posts : 73
Location : CA
Registration date : 2013-04-24

PostSubject: Re: I'm getting off Methadone. I'm going to document my experience here.   Mon Apr 29, 2013 9:58 am

4/29/2013 - Dose 125mg's
231lb

This morning I woke up at 3:49 dreaming hard again and sweating from the dream. No sneezing though and I laid back down instead of getting up or thinking to much and fell back asleep till 5:15. Maybe yesterday my Mom's cat dander puffed from the chair or something to make me so sneezy. Well, I feel just fine though. I use the restroom every morning like clock work and that is healthy. This week I'm setting up counseling for once a week with a special clinic in our area that does it for $5 dollars a session. I've been hitting the same morning meetings for an entire year and am really connected well into them also. Last night I had asparagus and when taking a pee i noticed how much asparagus smells. Well, my conclusion from that is I need to start using the juicer I have at the house. I know that with my diet I can help my body. I'm still pretty lazy during the day quite honestly. In fact, in our methadone group last week that was what everybody in the group discussed and wanted to change. Oh, one thing I noticed is I've been waking up with an erection again. That is after going down only 20mg's. I know that is healthy for a male in his 40's and when I was shooting heroin that NEVER happened. Ok, so far the 10mg's has been simple, but I'm very high in dose still. My doctor approved 10mg's a week till 80mg's then 5mg's a week to 5mg's then 1mg/week to 0mg's I'm only 40 and I know I have a lot to offer the world still. I'm going down to 115mg on Wed.

Thank you Dee and Kentucky, if it gets way to out of control I'm going to slow down. I'll stop the process and go up on dose before I go back to the rig.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
NoMoreTears



Male
Number of posts : 73
Location : CA
Registration date : 2013-04-24

PostSubject: Re: I'm getting off Methadone. I'm going to document my experience here.   Tue Apr 30, 2013 9:39 am

4/30/13 - Dose 125mg's
233lb

Slept in until 5am this morning. Dreaming again like a madman. I'm going to start writing down my dreams in a journal. I'm curious if they may have some meaning to my life. Of course, I feel fine because my dose is still so high. I'm going down on again on Wed morn, which I'm excited about. I know that I have been learning patiences for 40 years. My detox will take time, but before I know it I'll be going from 1mg to 0 and praying hard through each difficult moment of it. This is going to make me into even a stronger person.

I ate good yesterday and cleaned the house in the morning. Returning energy and motivation is my biggest change going from 145 to 125...
Back to top Go down
View user profile
NoMoreTears



Male
Number of posts : 73
Location : CA
Registration date : 2013-04-24

PostSubject: Re: I'm getting off Methadone. I'm going to document my experience here.   Wed May 01, 2013 10:04 am

5/1/13 Dose 115mg
233lb

I didn't get to sleep until like 2am for some reason last night. I went into my bed at midnight, but rolled around thinking until two. Again, had heavy dreams before i woke and I actually started a word doc to write my dreams into. I haven't dosed yet, but I feel fine and am going to go down again today. I have been eating less and drinking more water. I gained 40lb in the year and 4 months on methadone. My stomach was bothering me last night while I was trying to go to sleep... I think it's from my new eating habit though. I text my son this morning told him with the hard drugs of offered to him to say no thanks it ruined my Dad's life and my uncle died from it. If one positive thing can come from my experience with drugs it's conveincing my son never to even try them.

It just so happens the comment under this one was mine. It mentioned staying away from people who tempt me. That is for me not because they are bad. Well, I had been talking to an ex-girlfriend of mine who is trouble. I saw her the other weekend and she wanted to hook-up, but we just kissed and I didn't go through with it. Then last night while I was having a hard time getting to sleep I though I could go over to ______ and take a few xany's and do a few shots in the morning. Wow! My mind has even done this shit while on methadone. I got to cut off our texting and stuff! If I relax or anything I'm going to post it here.

Had sneezing really bad again this morning. Ok, I just got back and I'm down to 115mg. I went to group and it was a really positive session. The people attending are good people and want new lives, I can tell. I'm going to go for another long walk today and do some push-ups also. Like yesterday I'm going to eat healthy again. Basically, I do cereal and a banana and a vitamin in morning, sandwich and apple at lunch and then dinner(whatever). I'm taking a vitamin at every meal right now though.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
NoMoreTears



Male
Number of posts : 73
Location : CA
Registration date : 2013-04-24

PostSubject: Re: I'm getting off Methadone. I'm going to document my experience here.   Thu May 02, 2013 1:23 pm

5/2/13 Dose 115mg 9:18am
232lb

Second day on 115mg and all is well. I don't think that the decrease hit's at all until the 5th day or so. I feel great though and by just going down 30mg's I have so much more energy already. I signed up for weekly therapy that starts next Friday. I'm going to get a new sponsor within the next month. This time i'm going to find someone who actually use to shoot dope and is clean. I hit my morning meeting this morning, which is aa, and that was really good. I have so much gratitude in my heart right now. I'm really excited to be free from Methadone also. Don't get me wrong it was a great program and probably saved my life (literally), but I'm going to be 100% med free, which is what I desire. There are going to be a lot of posts if I do this every day! So far so good and have had 0 withdraw symptoms really. If it's not that bad at 80mg I'm going to ask the doctor to continue the decrease of 10mg's a week. I deleted my ex girls number from my phone and when she calls again I'm just going to let her know I'm on the wagon for good...
Back to top Go down
View user profile
NoMoreTears



Male
Number of posts : 73
Location : CA
Registration date : 2013-04-24

PostSubject: Re: I'm getting off Methadone. I'm going to document my experience here.   Fri May 03, 2013 1:09 pm

5/2/13 Dose 115mg 9am
233lb

I feel great and went to the Methadone meeting this morning. The guy who runs it has been at the clinic for 5 years. He double doses all the time and nods out during the group. He claims his clean date is like 3 years ago because he only takes methadone. He is teaching me though. I have to learn to focus on what I can do for others and my own recovery. No one else's life or sobriety matters unless they have invited me into their life and want my advice and help. Acceptance for me is key to my happiness. Also, this month I'm focusing on never judging anyone ever. That means if someones shooting dope and stealing and everything else it's ok and I can love them just as they are. I have to remember that I have done it all myself so shame on me if I judge anyone for anything. Also, i don't build resentments when I just love everyone and don't judge. Ok, I feel good and am excited about being clean again. While I'm still at this high dose I'm going to practice living in just this day. Not worrying about tomorrow or two months down the road or three years down the road! Just today... It's such a simple concept, but I never have really practiced it. I'm going to try and make a habit of keep my mind in just today. This decision and this journey off methadone is exciting. Living life again free and clean from any mood altering chemical is going to be great. This life is anything but normal... Oh, I went to my AA meeting after the methadone meeting also today. I'm going fishing with my son this weekend also!
Back to top Go down
View user profile
NoMoreTears



Male
Number of posts : 73
Location : CA
Registration date : 2013-04-24

PostSubject: Re: I'm getting off Methadone. I'm going to document my experience here.   Sat May 04, 2013 9:14 am

5/4/13 Dose 115mg

233lb
Anxiety: 3
Sleep Loss: 0
Stomach: 0
Sweating: 0
Sneezing: 0
Restless legs: 0

Overall detox effects: 0

Still over eating and lying around a lot. This has been one side effect of the done that has helped my life move forward. Done actually took most of, "Me" away and created a new person with less ambition, drive, excitement and gratitude. Methadone had become another addiction like heroin, but I knew I would have my supply for an entire month. It did give me a chance to lay off the needle though. After a bit on the done I wanted to get high again though. The done did not take away that desire. It's becoming a big business because the people at my clinic are upper to middle class white america and all of them have parents paying for it all. I'm done though... I'm 40 and refuse to be caught up for my entire life as an addict. I have to learn to live in this world without the escape of getting high... I'm pretty fucked at this point. I have over 100,000 in debts. I have a criminal background with felonies and have been unemployed for 5 years. I have an eviction and my credit is ruined forever probably. I started changing 5 years ago, but it's been a long haul. I used to have a software job making over 6 figures every year with my own home and stuff. But, the min I start living in self pity is the min I'll continue to fuck my life up more. By the time I'm 50(ten years from now) I can have put my shit back together. Getting off the done is going to be a big part of that.

Feel fine apart from a little more anxiety already. This done takes away that part of life. But, everything else is nothing yet. It's clear that I was being over don'ed at 145mg. I kept raising my dose because of anxiety until I was so tired I didn't do shit. Anxiety is good sometimes because it tells me I'm not doing the right thing.

Back to top Go down
View user profile
NoMoreTears



Male
Number of posts : 73
Location : CA
Registration date : 2013-04-24

PostSubject: Re: I'm getting off Methadone. I'm going to document my experience here.   Sun May 05, 2013 11:46 am

5/5/13 Dose 115mg
233lb

All detox symptoms: 0

I know I need to work on patience because I'm ready to get this trip over with. It's going to take a long time to get down at 10mg a week. I'm going to try to keep up 10mg a week reduction until 30mgs if I can.

Back to top Go down
View user profile
NoMoreTears



Male
Number of posts : 73
Location : CA
Registration date : 2013-04-24

PostSubject: Re: I'm getting off Methadone. I'm going to document my experience here.   Mon May 06, 2013 10:19 am

5/6/13 Dose 115mg
233lb

Detox symptoms: 0

Well for anyone at a higher dose level my experience has been that coming down 10mgs a week effects you very little. On Wednesday I'll have come down 40mgs with no symptoms that I really can single out that much. Just that sneezing and that was once so I think it was the cat.

Went fishing with my son yesterday for a couple of hours. I thank God for that. He still loves me despite my failures, which is nice.

Started getting into thinking to much about my life also. I have felonies, no job, live at mom's and a bunch of other wrekage from my using. When i start to think to much about my life situation it can move me towards short term thinking for pleasure. I'll start thinking about stock piling dope and pills and having a bank full by the time I get off the done. Thinking like that comes and goes. I always know when it's someone other than God suggesting things (ha, ha).

AA and NA can be depressing after awhile for me also. Just the same old shit on a different day. Today is an important day for me because i recognize the negative attitude and thoughts that I have. These are the days it's most critical to stay clean. When I'm able to recognize my different attitudes and thoughts and not make impulsive decisions based on them. "Weather the storm because the blessings are always on the other side."

Today I'm just not going to use. I'm going to do some yard work and work on having an attitude of gratitude. Once I get my life cleaned up and get a job I'm excited to meet a nice girl to enjoy time with. I have to admit I always miss not having a good woman to live my life with....


Back to top Go down
View user profile
NoMoreTears



Male
Number of posts : 73
Location : CA
Registration date : 2013-04-24

PostSubject: Re: I'm getting off Methadone. I'm going to document my experience here.   Tue May 07, 2013 9:23 am

5/7/13 Dose 115mg
233lb

Symptoms: 0

Starting with a new counselor on Friday. I'm going to work with him about my life, childhood etc. I'm going to work with him honesty and open up with him about all my shit. I hope that God can work some miracles in these sessions so I can get at the root of my problems. If I can't get clean now I'm really actually fucked for life. I'm 40 and have been un-employed for about 5 years. God help me not shoot dope anymore... There is no way I can go on living an addicts life. The fun has been long gone. Someone could offer me an apartment to run as a shooting gal with all the brown I want and I wouldn't take it.

Yesterday was a bad day. I was depressed and you can sort of tell from what I just wrote. Also, I noticed how sensitive I am to other people. Haters at the AA meetings are hard to deal with. I mean I mind my own business and am happy and kind and their are haters at aa that don't let up. They tend to be older sobers that are bald or full gray and over weight with gold chains and shit that don't like me....
Back to top Go down
View user profile
NoMoreTears



Male
Number of posts : 73
Location : CA
Registration date : 2013-04-24

PostSubject: Re: I'm getting off Methadone. I'm going to document my experience here.   Wed May 08, 2013 9:09 am

5/8/13 Dose 105mg
233lb

Ate like a madman yesterday and the day before. Also, after my visit with my son I felt depressed for two days. This is day three and I hope my spirits feel a little better today. One other thing I have noticed is my feelings are coming back. I have had a couple of intense emotional experiences that I haven't had for a long time. I'm noticing more thinking to, which I have to keep in check. I have to keep my thinking positive and full of hope and stay in prayer. I wanted to use yesterday morning and the morning before. I almost made the drive to pop some xanex and slam some dope even though I know the dope would do nothing. I went to an aa meeting both times instead. AA is full of some fucked up people though. The older sobers who think they are the shit or that feel intimidated... Just some punks all together everywhere I go actually. Don't get me wrong their are always good people to. Oh, dreaming is yet but getting more intense also. I'm going to take that wisdom from aa and just make it today and that is it. Seeing my son made me feel like a loser. I mean he has his shit together so good and gets like 3.8, works out and is in a really hard private school. My failures really come up in my heart after seeing him.

OK, I'm down to 105 now. Got to talk to doc and get 10mg's down to 30 if I can. Went to my morning aa meeting and that was good. One guy i know who had two years just relapzed again. Another kid i knew is out drinking again also. This is my last attempt, i can't do this roller coaster anymore. I'm going to get it done this time for good! I want to get my life together and get married one last time for life.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
NoMoreTears



Male
Number of posts : 73
Location : CA
Registration date : 2013-04-24

PostSubject: Re: I'm getting off Methadone. I'm going to document my experience here.   Thu May 09, 2013 8:59 am

5/9/13 Dose 105mg
233lb

Woke up this morning dreaming like mad again. I had sort of a nervous anxiety when I woke up. This is new since I have been going down on my dose. I haven't been feeling withdraw all that much because I'm pretty high on my dose level. Also, when you think about it coming down 10mg when you are at 100mg is only 10%. Coming down 10mg from 30mg's would be a 37% decrease, which is different in percentage. Also, once you get that low you also aren't filling up those receptors as much and your body will have a more intense reaction. I see my new therapist tomorrow. That is going to be good. I'm not going back to self medication with tar. Some of my old cronnies that have been slamming for years have some really messed up bodies. Permanent holes in there groin, every mussel is completely hard and ruined from dope. One guy I know last his right hand all together because he got mersa from shooting up one time. That is not to mention the dead and that includes my little brother...
Back to top Go down
View user profile
NoMoreTears



Male
Number of posts : 73
Location : CA
Registration date : 2013-04-24

PostSubject: Re: I'm getting off Methadone. I'm going to document my experience here.   Fri May 10, 2013 10:19 am

5/10/13 105mg
233lb

Woke up middle of the night dreaming, didn't get up and woke again at 6am. That is really rare from me to sleep that late. I was really consitipated this morning also and I took my vita done yesterday and ate like normal. My body is adjusting to the change for sure. I'm not going through withdraws like you feel when kicking heroin or something. That won't come until I'm really low or off I'm sure. I detoxed from heroin so many times because i was just plain out! Those times were horrible...

The nurse didn't bring me down correctly on Wed. I was at 110mg, so Im now down 5mg more to 105. It's really interesting how we can idealize people. I do that a lot and SO many times I'm way off. This is why I'm NOT going to jump into another relationship with a woman. If i'm interested in someone I'm going to get to know them good. I'm going to get to know their habits, their hangups, their relationships with family friends etc. This has been my biggest mistake all my life. I'm holding onto prayer this entire detox. When it gets hard I'm going to pray like a fanatic. I have to weather the storms to get the blessings that are always on the other side of it.

I'm so fat it's not even funny. I'm going to start TODAY and not overeat anymore. I'm going to loose this weight no matter what and feel good about myself again. I have NEVER been this fat before. The methadone put 45lb's onto me, no joke! Today I'm going to practice self control and not overeat and drink a lot of water. Also, I'm going eat fruits and veggies today and get into that habit. I can't wait to be completely drug free again. Life really comes alive when I'm clean. I get feeling so good that I don't know what to do with myself. That is actually something I need to work on. I get so excited about life and things I want to celebrate and party hardy. LOL, ok this journal has been helpful for me to do. God willing I'm going to have a great future! I can feel it coming...
Back to top Go down
View user profile
NoMoreTears



Male
Number of posts : 73
Location : CA
Registration date : 2013-04-24

PostSubject: Re: I'm getting off Methadone. I'm going to document my experience here.   Sat May 11, 2013 9:46 am

5/11/13 Dose 105 - CLEAN SINCE DECREASE BEGAN
233lb

Met with the clinical psychologist yesterday... I shared a bit about myself and broke down actually. This guy really knows what's up. We are going to meet with each other weekly. This guy is going to help me out a lot. My dose seems to be ok. I woke up a little nervous again, but that went away once i got up. An old girlfriend of mine text me and wants me to come over so she can take care of me. It's amazing the shit I will believe. I know that she wants something from me or something... Then she tried coaxing me over and promised some xany's. That is pretty messed up because I know she has a tone and with the done that really relaxes a guy to the hilt. Also, I know i could get a shot on top of that from her. I may have to get the hell out of this state to get clean, I don't know. No, I just have to make a firm decision, which I have done. If I don't make it this time though I'm giving up for good and just going to use dope until I'm dead or locked up. Basically, I'm going to surrender to the addiction and quit fighting it. I have been through about 10 treatment centers. But, I stayed clean a year last time and I'm actually dealing with my real issues this time. I'm going to make it. By the time I'm off the done I'll have posted on this page 100,s of times. If use I'm going to post it also.....

I will become what I believe. I know God has big plans for my life. I know I'm going to have great success in ALL area's of my life. I know it's going to happen. It happened once and I was high on crack, X, all(daily), and everything else. I still made over 100,000 a year. This time I'm going to enjoy the success though. I'm going to be grateful for the blessing. I can hardly believe I wasted my entire life savings, my house, cars and everything on drugs. Wow! But, if i had not gone through that stuff I never would have the faith I have today. I'm actually going to journal here my entire journey. I wonder if I can export the postings to a file in case the site closes down... I know one thing and that is doing a journal is really good for me.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
NoMoreTears



Male
Number of posts : 73
Location : CA
Registration date : 2013-04-24

PostSubject: Re: I'm getting off Methadone. I'm going to document my experience here.   Sun May 12, 2013 8:48 am

5/12/13 Dose 105
233lb

Woke up at 3:30 this morning. I slept a lot yesterday though. I'm more constipated than normal for some reason. Yesterday was a hard day. My ex was like begging me to come over. She had xany's and H and wanted to take care of me. Ya right, at least I'm not falling for that trick anymore. It will be nice to get my life straightened out and to meet a girl that is well grounded to spend time with. That may not be for about 3 years while I get my own shit together. That Friday meeting with the councelor really brought up some stuff that is pretty sad actually. It's good because he is a Christian and I actually gave my life to Christ 5 years ago. I don't judge a soul though! I have done everything anyone else has so I DO NOT judge people for their beliefs or their choices. I was 37 when I gave my life and it was because I was suffering so badly with guilt, shame and everything else. Christ loved me just like I was and that's what I needed because no one else loved me like that back then. Well, I know this is going to be a real journey. Getting off this done is going to put my faith to the test.

I'm going one day at time on this detox. I'm not going to use anything else at all to help with the symptoms. I'm doing this detox straight off the methadone with NOTHING ELSE. I'm not going to be scared. I'm going to take ever day as it is no matter how my body feels. It is not a life sentence and in one year I'll be on fire and completely clean. I'm not going to read anymore negative things on the internet. All I read is how hard it is and all the poor me's. If a guy can survive in a raft for 40 days then 2 years in a japanese prison camp being beat everyday and weighing 80lb's and recover I can do this. I read a book called un-broken and that was the guys story. George Zamprini was actually and alk for another 10 years and then got clean and lived a good life... I'm going to make it.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
NoMoreTears



Male
Number of posts : 73
Location : CA
Registration date : 2013-04-24

PostSubject: Re: I'm getting off Methadone. I'm going to document my experience here.   Mon May 13, 2013 10:18 am

5/13/13 Dose 105
233lb

I worked pretty hard in the yard yesterday. My body is out of shape. Being on the Methadone made me so lazy that my body is horrible. I'm 233 and fatter that ever before. I should be 190 max. I'm going to get off this done and get back in the gym. I couldn't for the life of me motivate myself to the gym on Methadone. Well, I didn't sleep that good last night. I was sort of uncomfortable in my body and dreaming a lot. I'm going to make it through this life and be useful to others. Going down to 95mg's on Wednesday. It will be good to be under 100 actually.

Back to top Go down
View user profile
NoMoreTears



Male
Number of posts : 73
Location : CA
Registration date : 2013-04-24

PostSubject: Re: I'm getting off Methadone. I'm going to document my experience here.   Tue May 14, 2013 9:30 am

5/14/13 Dose 105
231lb

Shit last night I couldn't sleep until 3am and then I dreamed like crazy and woke up at 5am. I woke up sort with anxiety also. I feel better now that I have walked around and all. I slept in the afternoon for about 3hours the day before. Also, I did a lot of reading and hanging out. I just pray that this doesn't start happening every night. It was really intense laying in bed for 2 plus hours. When I decided to just accept it and surrendered to the no sleep is when I actually dozed off. This is going to be a serious journey. I also have a hip cramp and the day before I had a neck cramp from laying wrong. Both of those are new since I started going down. I"m sure the done has been coving up a lot of aches and pains throughout the years.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
NoMoreTears



Male
Number of posts : 73
Location : CA
Registration date : 2013-04-24

PostSubject: Re: I'm getting off Methadone. I'm going to document my experience here.   Tue May 14, 2013 9:31 am

5/14/13 Dose 105
231lb

Shit last night I couldn't sleep until 3am and then I dreamed like crazy and woke up at 5am. I woke up sort with anxiety also. I feel better now that I have walked around and all. I slept in the afternoon for about 3hours the day before. Also, I did a lot of reading and hanging out. I just pray that this doesn't start happening every night. It was really intense laying in bed for 2 plus hours. When I decided to just accept it and surrendered to the no sleep is when I actually dozed off. This is going to be a serious journey. I also have a hip cramp and the day before I had a neck cramp from laying wrong. Both of those are new since I started going down. I"m sure the done has been coving up a lot of aches and pains throughout the years. Uncontrollable sneezing this morning also. I can't stop and I get dizzy from it...
Back to top Go down
View user profile
NoMoreTears



Male
Number of posts : 73
Location : CA
Registration date : 2013-04-24

PostSubject: Re: I'm getting off Methadone. I'm going to document my experience here.   Wed May 15, 2013 9:19 am

5/15/13 Dose 95mg
231lb

I ate good yesterday, but if I get cereal I eat it like I used H. It really shows the lack of self control I have. I slept good last night and feel good today. Went for a long walk yesterday also. I live by the Puget Sound and walking has been really good for me. When I'm down there by the water with the wind and sun! This methadone stint has been good for me because it has slowed me down. By the time I'm off it will have been just 2 years of treatment, which I have read is just about right. For the most value the professionals say to stay in treatment 2 years. It makes since to me. Being on the Methadone let me work on all my other problems without being consumed with wanting to use. I have never paid so much attention to the way I'm feeling in my life. Maybe that's a good thing. I can be more aware of my thoughts and feeling and in turn do something positive to stop the negative stuff. I started thinking yesterday that our country has an issue thinking that children that are using so much just have addiction. I was sent to a behavior modification at 15 for stealing a car drunk and crashing. Well, the place didn't do anything. I have been to 10 other treatments and all just focused on not using. I finally realize it's so much more than that and real deep.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
NoMoreTears



Male
Number of posts : 73
Location : CA
Registration date : 2013-04-24

PostSubject: Re: I'm getting off Methadone. I'm going to document my experience here.   Thu May 16, 2013 8:53 am

5/16/13 Dose 95mg's
231lb

Slept good and ate healthy yesterday and went for a 6 mile walk... I have been walking about that much on a regular basis. I take the vitadone(multivitamin) and have some passion flower extract that helps with anxiety if I get it. This week I have been making fruit smoothie's with the ninja(really good blender).

Yesterday a the meeting an older lady attacked me. The week before she overheard me talking about how some old timers are a joke. Then some other lady asked me to read. I told her I really didn't want to this morning and with 50 plus people at the meeting I didn't think that would be a problem. Well, the next thing I know that older lady is persecuting me for something she over heard the week before and for not reading. Beware, people in AA get very self-rightous, judgement and have lot's of opinions. I asked her, "you persecuting me for not reading?. You don't even know me. What if I can't read?". Then she brought up what she overheard and I said you remember what you overheard for a reason. You should think about that. I was only speaking the truth. AA's biggest value has been to give me practice dealing with lots of personalities that normal life will deal you. This particular meeting is filled with upper white class men and women. A lot of them are retired also. If you are going to join AA go to different meetings. Also, be prepared for a lot of drama and BS. I found it best to attend a single group once a week. I go to hear something good. If you are going to mess with all the personalities you are sure to get high again.

Back to top Go down
View user profile
NoMoreTears



Male
Number of posts : 73
Location : CA
Registration date : 2013-04-24

PostSubject: Re: I'm getting off Methadone. I'm going to document my experience here.   Fri May 17, 2013 8:38 am

5/17/13 Dose 95mg
231lb

Up really early this morning, but I went to bed early also. I fell fine, so since I have been detoxing it's been nothing really. I'm still really high in dose level so that's why I'm sure. I had detoxed 50 plus times, many of those laying in my bed taking bath after bath and puking and blowing bubbles and water out the other end and anxiety levels to 10 plus. Sorry for the details, but I remember those times well. I would run out of dope and was simply to beat up to hustle or do anything about it. My only option would be crime and I didn't have the energy. I would try to drink to ease the feelings, but would just puke that up. Time after time I went through that. I actually had been to the public detox probably 15 times.

Their is a true story about a guy who was a fantastic worker. He was always doing the job well, but he was a pesimmist big time. One afternoon he actually locked himself in the boxcar freezer at his work. Well, the other staff had left early and no one was there to get him out. He knew he was going to die because that is simply a fact. Well he curled himself in the corner and expected the worse. The company employee's found him the next morning in the locker dead. But, one of the investigators noticed that the boxcar freezer was unplugged and the temp was 61 degrees all night long. He died because he believed that is what was going to happen. What we believe about ourselves and our futures will shape what happens. That story is living proof! Just look at the statistics with individuals who are given placebo pills for an ailment. So many are cured and it was nothing but sugar in the pill!
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: I'm getting off Methadone. I'm going to document my experience here.   

Back to top Go down
 
I'm getting off Methadone. I'm going to document my experience here.
View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 1 of 4Go to page : 1, 2, 3, 4  Next
 Similar topics
-
» Post Disqualification Procedure
» Certified True Copy
» availability of bid documents
» "Special" Eligibility Document
» SPECIAL POWER OF ATTORNEY

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Methadone: A Flicker Of Light In The Dark :: Open Discussions :: Open Discussions-
Jump to: