Methadone: A Flicker Of Light In The Dark

Methadone: A Flicker Of Light In The Dark

To provide a better understanding of the very important role methadone plays in the treatment of addiction.
 
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 I'm getting off Methadone. I'm going to document my experience here.

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NoMoreTears



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PostSubject: Re: I'm getting off Methadone. I'm going to document my experience here.   Wed Jun 12, 2013 12:56 pm

6/12/13 Dose 71mg
222lb

So far detoxing hasn't effected me, which is probably normal because I'm so high on the dose.  Only that one time when I went from 95mg to 85mg.  But, I have more energy, motivation and feel better overall.  Also, as I mentioned before my hormones are functioning normally.  It's scary that methadone effects a man like that!  I have been waking up in the morning with an erection on a regular basis now.  Also, when I wake up at night I have an erection.  When I was on that high dose that was NOT happening!  That is really weird and as a male I really didn't like that.  Now I see why they ask about your sexual functioning on the yearly medical review.  It's weird to bring that up and I know it's very personal, but it's a real issue with methadone use.  I know that when I was using heroin I had the same symptoms of not wanting my girlfriend that much.  It's going to feel good to be just clean.  

Had a great group meeting and the people in my group are really good people.  It's been so important to fellowship at church, meetings, gym and such.  Isolation is really a bad thing for me.  To much time on my hands with nothing to do is also.  The devil dreams on an idol horse, so I need to stay busy.  

May have a new job.  I've been applying to a lot of places.  I'm going to get something simple for now until I'm off the done and then get a real job again.  

I've been eating healthy and taking care of myself physically.  This has been helping me in a lot of areas including my mental health.  I've been really happy lately!  I weighed in at 222lb's today, which is down from 233lb.  My goal is 190lb at about 8% body fat.  I feel good when I'm thin and in shape.  My cloths fit good, sitting feels better, I'm not embarrassed at the beach and my self confidence is higher.  Not to mention it is healthy for me long term and keeps me from getting heart disease, diabetes and stuff like that.  

Well, another day...  A guy told me one time, "Take care of your business and your business will take care of you, A wise man changes frequently, and fool stays the same. For me it's business, business and more business."  That one stuck with me for some reason... (smile)
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PostSubject: Re: I'm getting off Methadone. I'm going to document my experience here.   Thu Jun 13, 2013 8:34 am

6/13/13 Dose 70mg ---Detox easy so far.... 

I don't really like that number.  It doesn't look like anyone comments much on the site, but me everyday.  Well, I hope someone someday gets help from my journal online.  Pretty crazy actually...Guess i don't need to worry seeing that all my other info is in the national database including my DNA:) 

Worked out yesterday at the gym.  I ran for 30min's with some walking in the middle.  I can't believe how much the methadone has sucked away my muscle.  You don't realize how weak you are getting on methadone.  I'm really sore just from a few light, light sets!  Wow, that is pretty scary.  I have always been pretty strong and have kept my body in shape.  This is the weakest I have ever been.  Even in my addiction i didn't get like this.  

From my point of view, don't go on methadone unless you have tried the other options.  I mean you have at least gone through treatment and really tried working a program.  Also, I think that suboxone is a better choice.  Furthermore, I think that any methadone clinic in the US should be NON-PROFIT.  When profit comes into the mix all the important stuff falls by the waist side. It's been helpful to me, but I was really pretty messed up when I showed up at the treatment.  I had exhausted all other options, so this was a good choice.
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PostSubject: Re: I'm getting off Methadone. I'm going to document my experience here.   Fri Jun 14, 2013 8:48 am

6/14/13 Dose 69mg 

Wow, slept a lot yesterday.  The methadone seems to be hitting me harder now even.  It's like it's getting cleared out of me and I have good energy and then dose and it knocks me out...  I believe that this has been the biggest habit I've ever had.  I never maintained slamming 6 grams a day for 2 years.  I don't know, but that would probably be less than 145mg of methadone.  Well, on I go with this process.  

Keeping up with me meetings, taking care of my physical health and diet!  Went to job interview this week and submitted resume to a few other places.  Not getting serious work until I'm off this program.  Figured out during the time on the program I won't settle for any type of work.  I've tried many things over the past year and a half.  I just started them and realized they weren't for me.  That's ok!  It's was really good for me actually...  

I'll miss the nurses after I leave the clinic.  They have been pretty nice.  I'll have to think about dating a nurse maybe since they are such care takers:) ha, ha making myself laugh.

Can't believe I've done this journal of detox days for this long.  It's actually pretty good for me I think.  I'm use to starting stuff and not finishing. I'm going to complete my entire detox and doc it.  Then I'm going to leave this behind for good...  

Their are SO MANY people in AA that believe the lies.  I mean over and over I hear these people say that if they have one drink they will be dead.  I mean they will be in prison or dead.  I know the big book says that, but it not true.  They would just plug along.  The crazy thing is I don't even believe in alcoholism.  I use to be an alky, but I don't even drink at all anymore.  I don't want to drink anymore.  I have tried it and I don't enjoy it like I use to. I think some people  just get over it.  I don't really believe in the whole aa philosophy quite honestly.  I go to the meeting just to see people I like.  Other than that most of the people talk a lot of ____ and have egos about not drinking, which is rediculous to me.  It's been a good place to practice patience and give a lot of goof balls a LOT of grace.  Extra grace needed is always my saying in AA groups.
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PostSubject: Re: I'm getting off Methadone. I'm going to document my experience here.   Sat Jun 15, 2013 8:38 am

6/15/13 Dose 68 
222lb 

I've lost ten pounds now.  I'm eating healthy everyday and no longer eating ice cream and cereal non-stop.  I've become myself so much more with normal happy feelings.  I've been sticking to a weekly plan of exercise, meetings, eating healthy and staying busy.  I could barley function on 145mg, but for some reason I felt like I needed to go up that high.  Our minds are so powerful.  I'm going to start taking note of my walking, jogging and workout times.  I read that it's very important to take metrics.  You are able to understand what's happening that way.  Like a business if they don't they will go out of business. But, our government will just raise taxes and a philanthropist will just spend and not now he is improving.  I suppose a non-profit is the same way, wasteful.  Guess it's hard to have it both ways, just like it's impossible to have your cake and eat it too.  It's going to be a good day!  I'm really grateful...
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PostSubject: Re: I'm getting off Methadone. I'm going to document my experience here.   Sun Jun 16, 2013 8:39 am

6/16/13 Dose 67mg 

I'm ready to be off methadone and move on with my life.  When I hear the term, "liquid handcuffs" I can understand the feelings.  This experience has been good for me.  It will deter me from getting wrapped up again in drugs.  It seems like a waste to be on heavy opioids for two years and not even get high from them.  Methadone has put my body and mind through a lot of ups and downs.  What I mean is one day I sleep all day the next I'm up at 2am.  The inconsistancy of how the drug effects me has been difficult.  Furthermore, it's taught me a lot about my thinking.  I use to think that if the government ok's it its a good thing.  i don't believe that thought process anymore.  I have to use wise discernment and good judgement in everything I do.  Always have 6 months salary in the bank, so if your company asks you do cheat, lie and be a crook you can leave.  If you don't have that nest egg you may find yourself doing anything they say.
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PostSubject: Re: I'm getting off Methadone. I'm going to document my experience here.   Mon Jun 17, 2013 8:40 am

6/17/13 Dose 66mg

Feeling fine and staying under the 10% per week suggestion.  Worked hard yesterday cleaning all the cement and the house.  Looks, great now... 

Dont worry about tomorrow because today will have enough of it's own problems.  I'm going to remember that suggestion more often.  Anytime I'm living out in tomorrow or the future creating fear, uncertainty or anything else I know my mind is not in tune with God.  Or, if I'm living in the past when negative things happened.  Got to focus on the task at hand, which is today.  

You ask a guy how he did it and he will tell you one step at a time.  Focusing in on the important things is most important.  Those little distractions, comments from haters, unpleasant things I will replace with positive thinkings.  

When I work hard or work out my dose goes through me quicker and I feel bad in morning.  I'm not sick, but my body has a restless feeling with a tinge of anxiety coupled with strong need to dose again.  That is going to be the case a lot in the next few months i suspect.  Every time I went down on suboxone to get off it I had those same feelings.  Actually coming off that stuff was not that great.  I really relied on prayer a lot to do that.

Don't forget your never alone because God is always with you... Although, I do like that song by Kurt Cobain, All We Are Is All Alone...
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PostSubject: Re: I'm getting off Methadone. I'm going to document my experience here.   Tue Jun 18, 2013 8:44 am

6/18/13 Dose 65mg 


Got a stopwatch yesterday to time my runs, lifting and walks.  Also, bought a little spiral notebook to record some things during my day's my therapist asked me to do.  I've been busy and active and taking action since I've come down.  I have never made a better decision than to come down on my dose!  

I'm going to remember never to compare myself to others.  This is the biggest mistake ever.  Doing that will bring down my spirit.  Where you are usually depends on where you start.  I was at the bottom of this life and I mean the very bottom.  I'm going to focus on how far I have come and then what I need to do this day.
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PostSubject: Re: I'm getting off Methadone. I'm going to document my experience here.   Wed Jun 19, 2013 12:56 pm

6/19/13 Dose 64mg 

Things are going great.  Things are better than ever.  I'm happy, I'm excited about my future and I love the person I have become.  One of the first scriptures I memorized was, "So that we put off the old self, the once who grew corrupt according to deceitful lusts and put on the NEW SELF, the one created according to God in all righteousness and holiness." 

Today and every day through the rest of this process I'm going to, "Trust in God with all your heart and lean not on my own understanding."  One of the best ways to worship is to show God I trust Him.  

I have such joy and have been experiencing so much of it since I've gone down on my dose.  The high dose was numbing me from regular life feelings, emotions and experiences.  What a blessing the clinic has been for me because it saved my life.  Now I'm moving towards a new chapter and it's really exciting.  

I hope to have another family someday...  I will always remember daily that God will give me the desires of my heart.  I first have to follow Him with consistency and i'm not going to be able to believe the good things that are to come.  They already have been!!!
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PostSubject: Re: I'm getting off Methadone. I'm going to document my experience here.   Sat Jun 22, 2013 9:52 am

6/22/13 Dose 61mg 

Wow, what a great year this has been so far.  I'm really happy, joyful and excited about the future. I'm really enjoying life so much more since I have come down on my dose.  I've lost 15 pounds thus far also.  My Therapy has been excellent and he and I are really connecting. I have been attending my meetings each week also.  Eating healthy with low fat, complex carbs, fruits and veggies with my daily vitamin has also effected my moods and everything.  6 more days and I'll be heading into a 72hour period of nothing but Jesus.  I have to go into withdraw before I can switch over to the subtext.  I'm going to rely on prayer to ease me through any discomfort that comes from the process.  It's going to be worth in to make the switch. It's really going to be worth it once I get to really low doses because I have read it's easier to kick. Also, I've kicked it before myself.  I had a script for about a year and at the end I just weened myself down and got off. Stayed clean for over year after that stint also.  I'm going for it again.  I can't say this time will be different, but I'm going one day at a time.  I will never give up the fight.  I gave my life to Christ, but he didn't see fit to fully take away my desire and want to get high.  I'm just going to have to lean on Him when those cravings continue to pull at me.  Not even the methadone took away that desire.  I still had cravings for heroin and other drugs.  Even at 145mg's of methadone I had the cravings.
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PostSubject: Re: I'm getting off Methadone. I'm going to document my experience here.   Sat Jun 22, 2013 11:31 am

That's all you can do is one day at a time, one step at a time. Although I don't comment daily I do read your postings daily and appreciate your letting us in as a part of this journey.


"I will let yesterday end so that today can begin"



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PostSubject: Re: I'm getting off Methadone. I'm going to document my experience here.   Mon Jun 24, 2013 9:23 am

6/24/13 Dose 60mg I think or 59mg 

Everything is going good and I'm almost done getting off this s___.  God help me get this over with... i'm really going to be glad getting out of the clinic.  I mean it hasn't been good for me with regards to getting to know all the people there.  I'm getting more and more of a neg. attitude towards the methadone clinic.  Im starting to see it as just government dope.

Come to think of it Im really addicted to methadone now.  I'm going to make it off, but it's another addiction.  The clinic has to know that anyone coming off methadone is going to crave heroin. It's a process getting clean just like heroin except you have longer withdraws.  But, hopefully while you were on methadone you changed, went to meetings, and got your head on straight.

I'm on a real journey here again.  What the future beholds is in Gods hands.  i'm going to focus on today, which is going to meeting, eating healthy, looking for work and hitting the gym.  When I start doing really well it seems as though some force comes at me.  Temptation is a real beast and I'm tempted with all kinds of stuff.  

I'm over half way through the process of getting off the methadone.  Whoever is thinking of doing it, you better be prepared.  I haven't even gone through the hard part yet and it's taken a toll on me.  What I mean is i've gone through ups and downs and cravings and depression and the entire gamit of emotions.  i just can't do it anymore.  I refuse to be a lifer on methadone.  At this point I'd rather be addicted to heroin and chasing the high.  I mean I just don't care to be tired all day and pay for that.  That is what the methadone has done for me.  It seems like a bandaid for a the cut.  It's not getting at the root of my addiction problems.  Although, it has given me a chance to work on those deeper rooted problems.  I have come a long ways mentally and emotionally since being on methadone.  

Don't know why i'm typing all this.  Oh, if you are getting off the done be sure to journal.  This journaling has been really good for me.  There is something to be said for getting things out on paper. I mean you finish a thought and it's out and done.  Sometimes the mind can sit on an issues and it may go into what I call a loop.  The loop will continue, but nothing gets accomplished from the loop except maybe some unwarrented emotions. 

It's amazing the power of the mind!  Read a book called unhinged and also watched a documentary on placebo pills.  Wow, the amazing power of belief and the mind.  I'm going to make it clean and sober no matter what it takes.  I'm on the path now and in 5 years my life is going to be so good I don't know if I'll be able to handle the gratitude that will be in my heart! God has big plans for my life and has already blessed me with joy!  Whatever you do be careful who your company is.  I have found that bad company breeds bad actions in my own heart.  I get roped in really easy and that old self comes out of the woodwork.  Next thing I know I'm off the hook again causing trouble and having that care free attitude that would get anyone in trouble.  

I'm very lucky to be a free man with good health!  I got the world at my finger tips.  Once I get off this done I'll really have been through it all.  Meaning God will be able to use me with any type of addict because I will have done and been addicted to it all.  If someone wants war stories I got fricken world war stories.  But, I hate that any ways I like to talk about the solutions...  

I'll keep this site posted even once I'm clean. In fact, I'm just going to keep on posting right here.  I hope to God someone reads this experience and decides to give it a try. He or she decides to try life without methadone or any other drugs.

I just read about Deb passing away the one who setup this site.  Well, God bless her because it's been helpful.  Methadone has been really helpful to me also.  It probably saved my life because i was so crazy and using so much heroin.  So, it's great that she worked so hard to help us addicts have another option other than just straight cold turkey.  Please disregard some of my negative attitudes towards methadone because it's a way for me to vent.  I get a little angry at my addiction.  Hopefully this site stays up and running.
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PostSubject: Re: I'm getting off Methadone. I'm going to document my experience here.   Wed Jun 26, 2013 9:25 am

6/25/13 Dose 57mg

I'm pretty sure that is what my dose is. Its right around that at this time. I have been going down 1mg a day for sometime now. Coming off methadone has been a really good choice for me. I've become more productive, more energy, normal sex drive and over better feeling and emotions are more prevalent. I still have quite a journey ahead of me.

Fear NOT for I am with thee, do NOT be dismayed for I am thy God. I will help you, yea I will strengthen you. I will uphold you with the right hand of my righteousness.

Memorizing scripture and reciting it when I'm challenged has been VERY helpful. It's been like having a loaded gun when you are being robbed. I have a defense against the situation. If your not faithful in Christ it may be helpful to memorize some of your favorite authors or something like that. At least equip yourself with some ammo to combat any thoughts of negativity or failure. In other words, "trust in God with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding."

Any fear I have at all I know is NOT from God. Any fear, besides the fear of God, is of the enemy:) Fear of man is proven to be a snare. What can man do to me?

Well, sorry for getting to religious on this page. Couldn't help it because He is my hope.
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PostSubject: Re: I'm getting off Methadone. I'm going to document my experience here.   Wed Jun 26, 2013 12:37 pm

You are a couple of mg away from stopping methadone completely which will put you through the weekend without so that you can start the Suboxone. Will you be continuing with the clinic for this part of your treatment or do you have an appointment with a Suboxone provider? I ask because even though on your posts you have outlined how you will continue with Suboxone but haven't said how that part of your journey will take place and it would probably be helpful to others who may be reading to know.
As always I wish you well,
Dee


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PostSubject: Re: I'm getting off Methadone. I'm going to document my experience here.   Fri Jun 28, 2013 4:11 pm

I wanted to quickly stop in today to wish you well this weekend. I will be keeping your in my prayers and hope that all goes well.
Best wishes
Dee


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PostSubject: Re: I'm getting off Methadone. I'm going to document my experience here.   Sat Jun 29, 2013 10:03 am

6/29/13 Dose 55mg
220lbs

I have last somewhere in the neighborhood of 15lb's since my decrease began.

Ok, I chickened out for the weekend withdraw.  I mean I'm down to the 55mg's now and got my take homes for the weekend.  I'm debating now if I should just keep going down on the methadone or do the switch.  I have a little time to figure it out.  

Thank you D for even knowing what I was doing!  Your a good person I can tell.  

My plan as of now is to do the weekend starting next Friday.  I'll then dose on Monday morning with the subtext and my clinic does that also.  I called around, but it cost a fortune for the doctor visit and then for the medication! It's clear that a lot of people who need the help couldn't get it if they wanted.  ..  

On Monday I start a new job for the summer.  It's nothing really new to me, but it's 22hr, which is fine for now.  After I get off the methadone I'm going to explore some other options.  I can't work labor anymore, it's just to much for me.  

I've realized how far I've backslid over the past few months.  I'm turning back to my faith in full force.  I'm going to stay in the word and prayer.  I"m going to lean on the lord and make better choices for myself.  I'm not going to cut any corners and just do things right...  Not that it brings me salvation, but it does bring me closer to God.  I met a pretty good friend who also knows the Lord and that's been really good. Oh, I also found a GREAT new church last Sunday.  It's a baptist church and I really like all the people and the minister.  Also, the church is sort of small so I can get to know the people more.  I've been going to a huge church for the past 2 years and that one I didn't get to know anyone really well.  I got to know the staff because I didn't volunteer, but that's it...  I can't believe I've been in church for 5 years.  Wow, I hated church for the life of me before my conversion.  I use to use God as a pitch to new girls I met to show what a nice guy I was:)...  

Well the journey is almost over for me.  In 3 to 4 months I'll be complete.  

D, could you please give me your input on what your experience is?  What I mean is would you recommend to switch to subutex and then detox.  I'm seriously thinking about just going off the methadone now.  I'd really like to hear what you think.
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PostSubject: Re: I'm getting off Methadone. I'm going to document my experience here.   Sat Jun 29, 2013 2:19 pm

Congratulations on the new job! I am very happy for you. With today's economy the way it is I feel great joy when I hear of someone that has been able to find something. It really doesn't matter what it is at this point as long as you have something to keep you going and getting up everyday.

I think it is safe to tell you to listen to your gut instinct. I have to ask why you are doing the switch at 55mg instead of the recommended 30mg.

In reading back through your postings I did read that you were on Subutex before for about a year then tapered down and did well on it. Since you have had this experience before you know what to expect and I would imagine you are more equipped now than you were before. You have your support lined up, are attending therapy, meetings etc.
I would think it would be normal to start having thoughts of second guessing yourself right now. It is scary. Even when you are prepared, it is still scary.


We are all so different and the same at the same time. All we want is to live a life the way it was meant to be lived, to be able to live life to its fullest.
I do admire your courage and determination.
Wishing you all the best always,
Dee



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PostSubject: Re: I'm getting off Methadone. I'm going to document my experience here.   Mon Jul 01, 2013 10:07 am

7/1/13 Dose 55mg hold
218lb

Well, I'm still in debate about going to subtext or just continuing the detox of methadone. I'm going to make another appointment with my doctor and talk with him. I'm curious why he said I could switch at 55mg when what I read all over the net is 30mg of methadone to switch like D said. Also, I'm going to discuss some other questions with him. Everything is good though and I'm holding fine at 55mg, a lot better at 55mg because I'm up and moving.

If anyone is reading this and doesn't work, try working. When I have word when I wake up in the morning and have something to keep me busy all day it's great. I just feel better in the evening, feel better about myself etc etc etc. Even if you don't have to work for the money going to work just for yourself and to get out of yourself is really good. Someone told me long ago that the devil dreams on an idle horse. I swear that's true because when I don't have constructive things going on I just start thinking bad stuff (ha, ha).

Happy 4th, hot weather all over our country!
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PostSubject: Re: I'm getting off Methadone. I'm going to document my experience here.   Sun Jul 07, 2013 10:57 am

7/7/13 Dose 55mg
216lb

I'm holding at 55mg's and have been for almost two weeks. I'm still thinking about how I"m going to go about getting off. I may just go off the methadone itself and not take all the risks involved with the subtext, like it not ever really working.

At 55mg's I'm doing A LOT better. I'm working full time now and I just feel better all together. I have been eating right and since I started logging my experience on this site have lost 19 pounds. I'm still going to meetings and my private therapist once every other month.

I feel good! I really feel free. Something has happened to me over the past 5 months! I just feel good and relaxed into life. I don't know, I think it's some kind of miracle. I found a new church and I'm actually meeting with the pastor.

I'll start logging again once I'm on the detox process again. Stable at 55mg's and doing well....
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PostSubject: Re: I'm getting off Methadone. I'm going to document my experience here.   Sun Jul 07, 2013 1:55 pm

Glad to hear from you. I see nothing wrong with being where you are at now. As long as you are feeling the way you are and are able to work and keep up with the program that you have started within yourself these last few months ( since April, has it really been that long)
You sound happy and full of life, that right now is all that matters. Please do check in and let us know how things are going. Enjoy life!
Dee


"I will let yesterday end so that today can begin"



Never take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider
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PostSubject: Re: I'm getting off Methadone. I'm going to document my experience here.   Wed Jul 10, 2013 12:39 am

7/9/13 Dose 55mg
215lb - thank god!!!

I love that quote D! I have learned to live in the day and it's heaven when I do. I was just checking in on the site. I'm working full-time now! Also, I'm hitting meetings, working out and eating healthy. I have lost 20 pounds since starting my detox. I feel so much better when I eat right and exercise. I'm going kiteboarding this summer here! They do it down on the water everyday and I have been watching them! I just checked it out on youtube and I'm so excited to try it. I love wakeboarding and also love snowboarding and surfing and really had fun sailboarding, so this kiteboarding is going to be sweet!

Now that I'm older I reflect back and realize i have lived through many many of very hard problems, most of which never even came true, SMILE...
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PostSubject: Re: I'm getting off Methadone. I'm going to document my experience here.   Thu Jul 11, 2013 8:06 pm

Thank you, I used to worry so much about what happened the day before that I woudn't give myself time to think about the day that I was in at that moment. A lot of guilt from the past, the should have's and would have's. Today it is to live each day as it comes and I find that I am better for it.

Kite boarding does sound exciting. I have to admit that when you mentioned it I also had to look it up on you tube. Once there I got to thinking back to when I was younger growing up we used to spend a lot of time at the beach. I had always wanted to learn how to hang glide. Growing up in near San Pedro Ca we used to go down to the cliffs a lot and watch them take off.

Let us know how it goes. I'd like to hear about it.
It sounds as you are doing great and I am happy for you. There is no one set experience for treatment nor doses of medication. The dose that you are on right now seems to be what your body is comfortable with. Your working full time and enjoying life now so take some time for you.
Take care and enjoy the weekend!


"I will let yesterday end so that today can begin"



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PostSubject: Re: I'm getting off Methadone. I'm going to document my experience here.   Tue Jul 23, 2013 10:11 am

7/23/13 Dose 65mg

Hello all! If anyone ever reads this:)he he. Well, the detox has been really interesting. I have gone back up to 65mg's and will be going to 75mgs on Wednesday. My cravings and need to use went way to high and it's not in my best interest. I mean I'm doing so great right now. I'm working full time going to a good church and losing weight. I feel really good is what is really great. I have a lot of gratitude for all the things in my life. I just spent Sunday with my boy. Oh my gosh he is as tall as me and he is 14 and will be 15 tomorrow. It was great to see him and I took him to church. Even though it's hard for him he see's my faith and he will know about it if not anything else. We had a delicious breakfast also! Life is so wonderful. It's amazing how I can slip into such serinity lately just knowing that everything is just how it's suppose to be. My faith has helped me SO MUCH to feel relaxed and peaceful. I get this feeling of comfort that you can't really describe and I never could even get from getting high. Well, take care all and I'll continue to post when I start going down again. I actually do want to get off methadone someday, but it's better to be on this than to be shooting brown.
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PostSubject: Re: I'm getting off Methadone. I'm going to document my experience here.   Tue Jul 23, 2013 8:52 pm

Good to hear from you again. I have wondered how you were doing but since starting your new job I figured that is where you had been.
I have no doubt that you will be able to accomplish what you set out to do. Sometimes it takes longer than we like but the door will open.
I do agree 100%, it is better to be taking Methadone instead of going after the alternative. I have been reading your posts again and got to thinking. The dose that you were on before may have been too high for you. I was thinking that awhile back when you were talking about the new job. The thought of wow maybe that is his/her right dose. Did not want to mention it as you were strongly convicted of stopping altogether at that time.
Children grow so fast, take the time now to enjoy. I look at my son everyday and it is so hard for me to imagine he is 20 now. I still often think of him as my baby. It gets hard to cut those strings but working on it slowly.
Enjoy your day- Post again when you are able
Dee


"I will let yesterday end so that today can begin"



Never take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider
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PostSubject: Re: I'm getting off Methadone. I'm going to document my experience here.   Fri Jul 26, 2013 8:48 am

7/26/13 Dose 75mg


Ok, I'm back up to 75mg. I think, like D mentioned, I was way to high at 145mg. I'm hoping that at 75mg I can manage my job and not be to tired. A LOT has changed since I went from 145 to 75mg. I just feel so much better.

I still want to be drug free someday from methadone also. But, this program really has helped me so much. I think that I get pushed this way and that way with all this, "am I clean stuff". I know I'm not clean on methadone because I'm taking an opiod, but really I am clean because I'm not getting high at all.

This forum and posting on it has been really good for me. I have read that article about they lady who opened it. She cared SO MUCH for people that have addiction issues. I just know that I'm going to see her someday myself in the next life.

I'm glad I posted my journey here thus far. It's funny how I can make anything hard in my own mind! There is some old quote tom Albert Einstien or someone like him who says, "I'm old now and have experienced many troubles, most of which never came true."

One thing that I know is that my Higher Power has been with me through EVERYTHING. He still is with me and will be forever. He has loved me through all the bad and good. He is loving and forgiving and NOT condeming. I have always been way to hard on myself in life. I grew up in a family of doctors, lawyers, engineers and professionals. Because of that I always was fighting to be good enough. My faith has let me love myself even if I make mistakes.

Take care everyone. I'm going to stay at 75mg, until the time comes that my heart says to try and get off again.

I was SO determined to get off. Now I'm not because I'm doing SO WELL. Also, since I've gone down a LOT of the side effects from methadone have gone away. That has been a miracle because some of the side effects were just not expectable in my book.

My sons bday was yesterday and it was great. I'm a great father again since I've been on this program.
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PostSubject: 2/32014   Mon Feb 03, 2014 1:55 pm

Wow! Thank you Jesus for methadone program. Thank you Lord for the counselors, nurses, doctors, receptionists and anyone who works to get me medicated each day. I have tried every path to recovery in my life and the methadone program has been the best. My success in life, my joy, my relationships and everything else has been improved so much from the program. The methadone program has provided a backbone so that I can work on all of these things. I've gone back up to 90mg's and am stable on that dose. My life is going so well again! I have grown so much as a man! Don't get me wrong I believe recovery is a multifaceted thing. Like a tumbler in a lock each needs to be turned to open the lock. I have to have my faith, diet, relationships, work, exercise, quiet time etc. etc etc. to have recovery. But methadone allows me to work on all the facets without being consumed with using, thinking of using or recovering from using. I have worked SO HARD on changing the way I think! I have worked very hard on changing my beliefs also! I know that it's not the event that makes me feel a certain way, but it's my beliefs and my thoughts about that event that makes me feel… At any rate, I'm so grateful to law makers and everyone else that has made this treatment available to me. I'm back on the program and doing great. I'm not going to rush every again to get off of it. If down the road I think I want to it's going to be twice as slow and much more controlled! Take care everyone!!!! God bless you all and don't buy off on the lies about how methadone is bad.
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