Hi & thanks for reading my introduction.
Well a brief history to start with. I became interested in opiates quite late really, when I was in my early 30's. I am not saying that I was old, its just I cannot blame any addiction on me being young. Originally I went to the doctor concerning a bad back/neck and I was prescribed codeine. I did not have any idea of the effects of codeine and had no intention of abusing them, but the very first two I took, I enjoyed the feeling. Anyway,within months 2 tablets turned into 14 at a time, then I was heading back to the doctors exaggerating the pain in an attempt to get stronger pain killers. So, I worked my way up, DHC, occasionally morphine and after researching on the internet discovered the strangely legal poppy pods and started making myself poppy pod tea.This was around 5 or 6 years ago and was the first time addiction took hold of me. However, I knew little about addiction at the time, which was an advantage, as without fully knowing the symptoms of withdrawal, I spent a couple of years in a pattern of using, withdrawal, clean, and then using again. Each withdrawal became increasingly difficult however, and I ended up going to a crime reduction clinic and enrolling on Buprenorphine. This was short lived as I had a bad turn which was enough to make me give up using altogether for a couple of years.
Unfortunately, when I did start using again it was not with poppy pods. I found a website with a forum where people sold all manor of things including opiates. So I was buying morphine and oxy quite easily and safely and having them delivered to my door. The one person who I bought off lived locally and at one point when the bought prescription meds became unavailable he suggested that I try Heroin. Strangely enough I would still say that I am not the sort of person who would try Heroin, but opiates do have a habit of changing how you think about things and at that point in time it seemed like the thing that I needed to do. To sum up, one bag a day quickly turned into three bags a day and rather than smoking I used rectally, which involved using an oral syringe in my back passage.
Over the last few years I have had a few issues that I have had trouble coping with. Along with problems from my childhood, more frequently my job has become less secure, debts got higher and my health deteriorated, with me having the genuine fear that I could and still can potentially become blind. Any attempt to stop opiates now comes with intense depression and anxiety, mainly about the above issues, and my two other least favourite symptoms , RLS and insomnia.
This is where I become honest with myself. Because of the above I do not want to be completely opiate free, at least not yet. However, in opposition to this, I don't want to be high all the time either. I have a family to support and a daughter who I love greatly. My work has began to suffer although luckily I am the only person that has noticed. So, in methadone I apparently have the opportunity to get clean from other opiates without withdrawal, whilst also not have the cravings that I had in clean time and most importantly I will get the chance to break the contacts that I have at the moment. I see it as a fresh start, and although I may face difficulties later on in life, I may also be in a better position psychologically to consider stopping everything.
At the moment of posting, I am three days into my methadone induction. I am on 40ml and a lot of the time that seems ok. However, I am feeling irritable at the slightest thing and the few hours before I am due my dose I start to crave and feel unsettled, although from what I read this is to be expected, and may settle down with time. I have been told I can go higher if I need to but part of me does not want to do this as I want to stay as low as possible. Anybody's feedback regarding this would be really appreciated?
And finally, I look forward to talking to everybody and becoming an active member of this group.