Hi new here

at one time this would have been very hard for me but not now anyways my name is Tom and i,m 56 years old, one thing i,m certain of is that everyones story is different so i,ll tell you mine....it started in the mid 90,s after a 5 car pile up but it was a week later at work when i bent over and couldn,t get back up i ended up i the emergency room at the hospital and to make a very long story shorter i,ll try, i ended up having every back test there is and the most painful tests or procedures i had several of each this all led to 3 lower back surgeries which gave temporary releif so i was then pushed into pain centers where i underwent more tests and procedures and then the scripts started coming every month, this was a workmans comp case so everyone was making money and happy to keep the scripts coming, but these doctors didn,t know from one month to the next what they were doing so i started taking a pocket recorder to every visit because one month it would be well we need to do this and the next month i never said that its not gonna help you blah blah blah....well then my pcp jumps on the band wagon and says Tom why go to the pain center i can give you everything they are so i let my pcp take control and i quit going to the pain center my pcp had me on more drugs then i can write here and not just me because i went in one month he wasn,t there and i was told your out of luck we no longer write these scripts well i i shocked because i played by the rules never failed a urine test never had a shortage of pills never saw more then one doctor at a time i did everything right but i got caught up in someones elses greed now by this time i had settled with workmans comp and had no ins. so i had to pay for everything, i tried cold turkey coming off 3 80 oxy 3 perc,s 3 zanex restirol cymbalta, benacar and several other meds i was on daily it almost killed me so i found myself at a methadone clinic 100.00 weekly and it saved me from going nuts or worse but now here we are at the present, there arn,t many clinics in my area and most have a waiting list and are over crowded and they take only welfare or cash and i,m not on welfare but the counseling was super and the group therepy was great i was going to a meeting every day now keep in mind i never considered myself a drug addict it was pain centers and a pcp who put me in this situation and i really struggled with that every day i said i shouldn,t be here i,m not like these people but i don,t think that way anymore i,m in a clinic and thats that....well this 1st clinic decided to do away with the methadone program and go strictly to suboxon which is 3 times more then methadone so that was out and i was forced to find another methadone clinic but it was nothing like the 1st one its 95% people on welfare and 5% people who work or pay cash, they bring these welfare people in by the busload and some of you may not like this but the only reason they are there is its free and a free daily high for them....i have seen things there that make me sick, i,m 6/4 270 lbs and was on 80mg a day and to see a 80 lb 19 year old getting 160mg a day that dosn,t make sense and they are all related you had grand mother,s their daughter and her grand daughter plus no therepy at all group or any other kind and their counselers know nothing they can,t even tell you roughly how to wean down they do everything to keep you there and nothing at all to help you get off or out of the clinic, i decided i had to try for myself so i asked for a 5mg drop every 2 weeks it all worked out fine and i walked out after a week on 10 mg i thought i could handle it but mentelly i wasn,t ready so 1 month later i went back and i,m there now nbut i stopped my increases at 40 mg thats more then enough what i need now is help weaning back off the right way, i told my counseler i,m looking for an outside counseler because she isn,t doing anything for me and i feel trapped so does anyone have any advice or can you help in any way because i know with the right outside support i can get off and stay off, now i have several major health issues i have to deal with but the 1st thing i,m going to do is tell them no pain meds we must try without them i don,t belong in a methadone clinic matter of fact at 1st i thought it was another pain center i mean old people in wheel chairs, or pulling oxigen tanks with them then i though mayme its a like combo place where they do both because there is another pain center that gives all the drugs away and also does suboxon that dosn,t figure....well if anyone understands all this please chime in and give me your thoughts i,ll check back a few times daily


Thanks Tom

Hi Tom, my name is Seth. I was sitting in my van with the air conditioning on, trying to cool off before I get out and go for a hike. I know it's d hard when you're depressed but exercise is such an effective antidepressant. I'm gonna make this short because I want to hike but after reading your sorry I was practically in tears, it hurts to hear you in distress but you did the right thing by sharing and talking out we can't do this alone n I've been on methadone since 2009 at 160 mg. I started tapering in February 2014 and I'm down to 65mg. I split dose so I take 30 in the am an 35 at night. You should be able to find my postings on this site, I've got a lot I want to share with you. If you want a friend who is understanding and experiencing much of the same, I'm here for you. Let's talk. I'll come back to this tonight and share a bit about myself with you. For the mean time, know that you are stronger than you know, stay committed, and get to some meetings, na, aa, ....anything. I'll talk to ya later.

Hi Seth thanks, i,ll be around tomorrow like i said i,m gonna check in daily, saddest part is i was to the point where i only had to go 1 time a week but since i left for a month i had to start all over i have to go every day again, theres no incentive at this clinic no matter how good you do....i give clean urines every month do everything they ask but yeah its depressing to say the least, the methadone helps beleive me i have several heath issues that it helps with the pain its the place itself theres nothing else no meetings no nothing, i,m not sure where your from but around here NA dosn,t want you if your on meth they want you on nothing and some people just can,t do that...oh well i can get long winded so i,ll stop and i,ll check in tomorrow after the clinic 5.30AM Comes early thanks again seth get your exerise in.



Tom

Hi Tom. It was nice to see you responded. True to your word, good man. After I got sober being honest was and still is of critical importance. I'm from Minnesota, and as far as meetings go, there are meetings like I go tho here all across the country. I had to go to many different meetings in different towns even until I settled on a club right where I live, like five minutes away by car. Find a meeting that works for YOU. Both AA and NA have no strict rules. "The only requirement for membership is a desire to get sober"- straight our of the Big Book (the main text used, co-written by a founding member), I realize that doesn't stop people from being judgemental, I went to AA meetings for about two years before I began to speak openly about being on methadone. My only regret is not being HONEST (there's that word again) about it sooner. So many people opened up about relatives being on methadone, friends, family members... and some just had questions and opinions. But now these same people have seen me for 5 years, on methadone AND sober. Have I changed opinions and erased some misconceptions in my meetings, YES, but that doesn't really matter. The real issue is liking myself, loving myself and respecting and standing behind my INFORMED decisions, and I DO. Of course I'm not telling you what to do or think, I'm just being HONEST.Take care, I hope your trip to your clinic is as simple as it can be. Enjoy your day, I'll check in as well. Nice chatting. Be strong, and be honest. G'night.

Hi Tom- Welcome! My name is Dee, and  I'm glad you have reached out. It is good to have somewhere you can go to talk to others and you will always be welcome here. Don't give up trying to find somewhere near home where you can meet others as well. It will help. I've been sober since 2002, the first 4 years with Methadone and now Suboxone. I switched because where I am now there was only one clinic in my area and the waiting list was over a year. I wasn't happy about it at first but over time I learned that is really doesn't matter, as long as I remain in recovery and I have.
I attend counseling every other week not only for my addiction but other things as well. I also attend a woman's group once a week. And it has helped me to gather coping skills, trust and more often than not get real honest with myself.
I've had people ask me how long I will be taking medication, I've had them ask me if I am done with counseling "yet" and I tell them, I'll be here as long as it takes.
Anytime that you need to talk, we will be here.

It is good to see you again Seth
Dee

Hi Dee, i think my biggest problem is when i walk into the place and look around i just don,t feel like i belong there, as i said we all got where we got one way or the other but my way was doctors just feeding me like a baby and me thinking well everything is ligit what can go wrong, i have only had 3 back surgeries, 2 knee surgeries and every spinal test under the sun, i just never ever thought i,d find myself in a place like this when you see busloads of people getting off private buses all still in there pajama,s some smell so bad it makes you want to puke others who havn,t had a shower in months i say what the bleep are you doing here, i just got medical ins that starts july1st i have already called 2 doctors to see if they will take me and help me get out of there and off the meth....i,ll sayu this about methadone it works but you need the counseling and therepy to go along with it but when your in a place like i,m at where not one of the counselers have ever had a drug problem and all they know is what they have read its a shame, i have also learned they have more insentive to keep you there then to try and help you get your head back on right....there are people who have been going there for over 20 years some in wheel chairs some pulling oxegen tanks with them and i,m sorry for saying this like this but a whole lot of scum bags who stand in line and talk about how they are gonna get their zanax for the day.....these people are on welfare but yet everyone carries a 600 dollar smart phone i don,t understand it its broken here, i,m sorry i don,t mean to offend anyone but while i know for sure i,m opiod dependent i was never a drug addict and that i can,t come to terms with, one thing for sure its really nice to talk to people even over the puter about my frustrations....you know this clinic you can,t drink but you can smoke all the pot you want how do they figure that, oh well i have to go pick my wife up shes at a painting class so i,ll take a ride with the dog my best friend and go get her......see ya all and have a great night.




Tom

well i have a pcp as of tomorrow and i,m gonna try to have him get off the methadone clinic and let him wean me down under his supervision......its just so very depressing going into that craphole everyday.



Tom

well that pcp says hes not quailified to help me get out of the clinic, bummer but thats ok i,ll go to another doctor and another until i find one willing to help me, its the doctors doing that put me there in the 1st place so i just have to find one to help me get out...its not real simple because i do have other medical issues i,m dealing with but i,m willing to try and deal with the pain if the they can just wean me out of the clinic, sad part is if they offered other help then just your dose of methadone i might stay because good counseling and therapy really help but they offer none of that or not even any incentives to help yourself, i saw my counseler this week and i asked her why can,t you guys offer some kind of incentive to help people her was they were going to try and give 25 dollar gift cards away...are you crazy these people would sell them in the parking lot and than every month they want to go over your goals to get off methadone i busted out laughing and said what about the people who have been here 20 years whats the excuse for that i got no answer but someone on methadone for 20 years has no intention on getting off of it....ok i,m getting fired up have a great holiday everyone talk to ya soon.





Tom

I know I'm late coming in to this thread.... I haven't been around on the forums for a few months, but I just want to say Tom that I applaud you reaching out for peer support on a board like this where folks understand and have no judgement. Keep coming back.. I'm committing to making this forum and We Speak Methadone (www.methadone.org/wespeakmethadone) part of my support system again. As someone who is entrenched in methadone advocacy it's so easy to get caught up in trying to worry about and help everyone else and forgetting that I'm in treatment and recovery and need support myself! So good on you, Tom, for coming here and getting support that you need..... And nice to run into you, Seth and great to see you still posting as well, D!

:-)