Methadone: A Flicker Of Light In The Dark

Methadone: A Flicker Of Light In The Dark

To provide a better understanding of the very important role methadone plays in the treatment of addiction.
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 Help Me? What should I tell My Mother?

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Number of posts : 51
Age : 60
Location : Vermont
Registration date : 2009-03-05

PostSubject: Help Me? What should I tell My Mother?   Thu Jul 30, 2009 9:34 am

Dear Members:
I received the e-mail below and she didn't want to reveal her name but wanted your help in addressing her Mother's letter. If you could help her and give her your opinion of what you think she should do, it would be much appreciated. I thank you in advance for your suggestions and experience in answering her.
Deborah Shrira,Your Administrator
I found your website today and was so grateful! I have been on methadone for almost 9 months now after struggling with an opioid addiction for almost 4 years. My husband decided to tell my mother about my treatment and this is the email she sent me after he told her. I can not believe how we are treated. I have not spoken to my parents sent this email was sent and I think about them often. Any advice on how to respond to them would be great. Also, If you would like to use this letter on your website, feel free (please omit my name) it is a great example of the judgment we deal with everyday even from our own family for getting treatment for our addiction. I thank god every day for methadone as it has given me my life back. Thank you for your website and the support you extend to all of us!
Dear _____ -

You are a spiritually glorious woman and worthy of every good thing this universe has to offer. It has been evident for many years that you have been unable to clearly see that potential. Whatever my role has been in not helping you to perceive your possibilities, I am truly sorry for. My own, often lacking, sense of self-worth has not been the best model for you.

Your family has patiently waited for you to disengage from chemical dependancies - junk food, caffeine, nicotine, pain narcotics, chemical heroin. It is evident that your most important allegiance has become the methadone clinic. If you disagree, just stay home tomorrow morning. It is no longer about a short-term transition, but a longer-term problem. As an addict, perhaps you do not see your own physical and emotional changes. But it is obvious to me that you are continuing the rapid decline of self-destruction. It can be a long one, and you are dragging your family along with you. John may be temporarily unfaithful to you, but you are unfaithful to him on a daily basis. Do not assume his patience will last indefinitely - certainly not until you no longer desire the drugs.

I realize that your immediate response is that "it's none of our business!", and "we don't understand!" And that thinking is the addict proclaiming "no reponsibility" for the emotional and financial damage you are inflicting on others. Of greatest concern is our grandchildren. For example, whenever you don't feel well, your children feel responsible, and also suffer from a confusing lack of your maternal association. And an intense anxiety develops that they can not "fix things" for you. It is a horrible curse, co-dependancy, to put on children and will likely chase them throughout life. They may not be fully cognizant of why their lives feel insecure, but it is impossible for children not to take their mother's destructive behavior very personally.

I love you and have been deeply concerned about your well-being. The secrecy has come to a timely conclusion. As your reasoning has become chemically-altered, this emotional appeal will likely inflame rather than be any catalyst for change. But I cannot be silent.You have to know my position -

Please locate the individual and group support services that are able to serve that purpose. Your family will drive you, hold your hand, soothe your withdrawal - whatever is necessary!

I am here when you need me.



Last edited by Admin on Thu Jul 30, 2009 1:30 pm; edited 2 times in total (Reason for editing : Mispelled Words)
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Number of posts : 16
Age : 34
Location : Charleston, WV
Job/hobbies : waitress
Humor : I can garauntee you won't find nobody else lik me!
Registration date : 2009-07-29

PostSubject: Keep doing what you are doing!   Thu Jul 30, 2009 1:20 pm

It works! Methadone is saving your life regardless of how your mother feels. I bet your children are more stable now than they have ever been! I bet you are NOT sick in front of them now, I bet all around you are there for them more since you started methadone than you were possibly all their lives because you are no longer preoccupied with how you are going to get your fix today tomorrow or ever. You should respond by sending you mother some of the great information in this website and then let her decide if she still feels like you are wrong by seeking treatment for yourself then you don't need her. Your biggest priority has to be getting better especially wih 2 kids! Tell her you love her and will be ready with open arms whenever she is ready to accept you! You can not sacrifice 9 months of doing well because your mother doesnt approve you will be right back where you were. If you are anyhing like me yocan not imagine going through all the bullshit involved with chasing pills drs and dealers. I love the fact that I get to live again,I am no longer preoccupied with where I am geting my next fix. I have time to make real decisions about my life. Don't throw it away because the uneducated person happens to be your mother in this situation. You keep doing what you are doing and if she can't see how much it is helping YOU, your CHILDREN and your HUSBAND then you do not need an influence like that holding you back right now! Stay strong and pray about it but you have todo what's best.
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Number of posts : 863
Age : 46
Location : live in Louisiana but attend MMT clinic in Tx
Job/hobbies : COUPONING & GEOCACHING are my favorite past times but I also love reading and spending time with my husband and kids
Humor : I don't have a sense of humor.............
Registration date : 2009-05-25

PostSubject: Re: Help Me? What should I tell My Mother?   Thu Jul 30, 2009 3:07 pm

Oh wow. Your mom's letter brought out so many feelings in me! I am so sorry you are having to deal with that!

You and I are in the same situation in that my mother does not agree with me being on methadone and she doesn't "understand" addiction. I have been on it for over 9 yrs and she all the time says to me "Isn't it about time you get off that stuff?"

It's hard enough when strangers or friends give you a hard time about being on methadone but it is even worse when you have a close family member or spouse who doesn't agree with it.

My first suggestion would have been for you to give her some "pro methadone" information for her to look over but from reading her letter, I don't know if that alone would do any good.

Does your husband support your methadone treatment?

Again, I am going by my own experience here but my husband does support my methadone treatment. As my spouse, he has been the one to deal with the brunt of my addiction. Yes, it affected other family members and friends but it was him that dealt with the bulk of it. He should have left me a long time ago and if the roles were reversed, I don't know if I could have been as patient and understanding as he has been. I say all this to make a point, I PROMISE! That point being that if you husband supports your treatment, you may need to just accept the fact that he is the only one who will, be THANKFUL he does and let your moms feelings about it go. I know this is easier said then done, but you can't let her feelings about methadone treatment affect your sobriety!

Before giving up on her totally I would speak with her or write her a letter back and explain that you love her and acknowledge her feelings about methadone treatment, but it is something that you have to do right now. Tell her it is obvious that you and she aren't going to agree about it, so to keep from fighting about it, you would rather not talk about it with her. You could try to send her some pro methadone info too at this point. Say something along those lines and leave it at that.

In time she will see the difference in you and see that you are no longer running around like a crazed addict and she will have to acknowledge that change in you. Even if she doesn't, again, as long as you have your husband's support then the main person in your life is behind you and as hard as it will be, you will have to do what you know if best for yourself and not worry about what she thinks.

You DO NOT have to have her approval to go through with the treatment. You know it works for you, it is the only thing that works for you and you do what you have to do!

Hang in there and know that either way, we are all here for you!

aka lilgirllost

We are not bad people trying to become good, we are sick people trying to become well.

Methadone; A Flicker Of Light In The Dark
We are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
If you cannot afford to call us, send us an email and
we will call you at our expense.
Office: 1-770-334-3655~ Cell: 1-770-527-9119
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PostSubject: Re: Help Me? What should I tell My Mother?   Fri Aug 07, 2009 9:15 am

i feel so sorry for you. i tmust be horrible to not have your mother's support thru this hard time in your life. if she would open her mind & learn about methadone, she would realize that you can become a better mother, wife, & daughter than before. many people on methadone have an unfair stigma attached to them. but where would we be without it? methadone has helped many people return to being productive members of society but unfortunately you cannot please all the people all the time. if you are proud of yourself & you are doing better on the methadone, then please don't quit. i know that you want your mom to be proud of you. we all want the important people in our lives to be proud of us. i got lucky - my mom is proud of the progress i've made on methadone. my dad kinda pretends i don't have a problem. my husband is super supportive. if you think you can - maybe you should tell your mom all of the positive things that methadone has helped you with.
good luck & God bless!
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