Methadone: A Flicker Of Light In The Dark

Methadone: A Flicker Of Light In The Dark

To provide a better understanding of the very important role methadone plays in the treatment of addiction.
 
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 Rate your lines!?!

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SunshineSmiles

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Number of posts : 16
Age : 33
Location : Charleston, WV
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Registration date : 2009-07-29

PostSubject: Rate your lines!?!   Thu Jul 30, 2009 12:43 pm

Just wonderin how long you guys have to wait to be dosed or if you wait at all? How is it set up they dose you?
At my clinic we all get in line along this long wall and down a hallway,,behind the wall there is 5 windows but there is never 5 nurses, the most I have seen open is 4 and that is very rare usually 2-3 is average. So they dose 2-3 people at a time we go to the window give our number and get dosed. You line u in the order you come in regardless of weather you are getting 1 or 30 doses/takehomes. My average wait is 30 min and that is because I have a priority dose card. The rest of the people usually wait closer to an hour on an average weekday. Now, weekends is a totally different story there is no priority dosing they are open from 6:00am-8:15am then they lock the doors. Last Sat we had 2 nurses only and I got there at 7:40 (decided to sleep in big mistake) I didn't leave until 10am! Sun wasn't much better! Only 1ce have I seen 4 nurses on the weekend And guess what?? there was no line!! You would think they would get it and work it out so that we don't have to wait so long! This has been a problem the entire time I have been going and from what I understand much longer!!
I have heard they are going to start block scheduling and giving people a window lke you can come between 6 and 6:30 or whatever it is supposed to start in Sept but dn't kno how they will deal with people who have chnging schedules or say only come early 1 or 2 days a week. If anyone already has this going on at their clinic let me know how it works! They say the priority dosers will still be the same time though so that's cool!!
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SunshineSmiles

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Location : Charleston, WV
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Registration date : 2009-07-29

PostSubject: Just an update need advice   Thu Aug 06, 2009 9:06 pm

We lost another nurse today had one window open all day only letting 10 people in at a time to dose for fear of riot I guess, heard talk that as soon as the director gets back from vacation that al of our nurses are staging a walk out does anyone know what happens in this instance. This means much longr lines for awhile AGAIN i guess as soon as we get one nurse trained one quits!!
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PostSubject: Re: Rate your lines!?!   Fri Aug 21, 2009 4:38 am

hi SunshineSmiles,
my name is Cat. the clinic i go to opens at 6am mon-fri & 8am sat. we don't really have a long wait. i guess about 15 min is the longest i've waited. i get monthly takehomes every 28 days on friday mornings. ours is first come, first serve. but alot of the patients will let you get ahead of them if you have to be somewhere & they don't. i often try to let those who work go ahead of me, no problem. we have our takehomes madeup in advance so that we don't have to wait for the pharmacist to make them on the spot. we pay for our meds, we get our dose, sign for it, take it & get takehomes if we get them & thats it. one nurse & it's smooth as silk. but the same people have been working there together for some time so i guess it's like a well-oiled machine. but they know us & always make us feel so welcome! my clinic isn't open on sundays like yours is. i admit it, i really love my clinic! just seems strange with all those people at your clinic they have those long lines. do they makeup takeouts while you wait or are they already done & waiting for patients? i hope things get better for you on the wait time, that's crazy!
take care!
cat
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lilgirllost
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Number of posts : 863
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Location : live in Louisiana but attend MMT clinic in Tx
Job/hobbies : COUPONING & GEOCACHING are my favorite past times but I also love reading and spending time with my husband and kids
Humor : I don't have a sense of humor.............
Registration date : 2009-05-25

PostSubject: Re: Rate your lines!?!   Fri Aug 21, 2009 1:22 pm

I also have it pretty good when it comes to dose wait times. The clinic I go to is open Mon-Fri 6AM-9AM and on Sat 7Am-8AM.

I am a once a month so I get 27 take outs. I get there at 5:45 and the door is usually already unlocked and I can go into the waiting room. Most times, there is no one else there but there may be 2-3 ppl there. I go in, sign in and if someone else is there, wait my turn, if not, I go right in. I have never had to wait longer than 15-20 minutes before my turn and that is usually only if there are 2-3 in front of me.

you go into the medication "area" and the med nurse is behind a half door type thing (no windows or glass separating us) and the bathroom for doing UA's is also in this med area off to the right. There is one med nurse and one counselor and that is it besides the owner/director but she is usually in the back or running between her two clinics and then the owner/directors son handles the billing but the med nurse is the one who takes the payments. The doc is only there once or twice a week so if you need to see him, you have to schedule an appt during the hours and on the day he will be there.

If you have to see the counselor, the med nurse lets them know you are there, and you will go see the counselor before medicating. You go see the counselor, sign your service plan and/or whatever they want you for and then come back out to the "med area"for medication.

The med nurse has the meds already out and "ready" so that when those of us with take outs get up there for our turn, all we have to do is watch her recount them (for our benefit), sign the previous UA result, sign the sheet saying I picked up my meds, pay her, do my current UA and that's it.

There is even a sign in the lobby saying if you have waited longer than 30 minutes to be sure and notify the nurse.

The clinic has anywhere from 150-200 patients. The same lady that owns/runs this clinic also has another clinic about 40 miles away from this one and they do everything pretty much the same except for their hours are from 5PM (NOT AM but PM)-6:30 PM Mon-Fri and open Sat from 7A-8A. they have the same exact staff and doctor working at both of the clinics, the only difference is that they have evening hrs instead of daytime hours.


RuthAnn
aka lilgirllost

We are not bad people trying to become good, we are sick people trying to become well.

Methadone; A Flicker Of Light In The Dark
www.medicalassistedtreatment.org
www.suboxoneassistedtreatment.org
We are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
If you cannot afford to call us, send us an email and
we will call you at our expense.
Office: 1-770-334-3655~ Cell: 1-770-527-9119
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PostSubject: Re: Rate your lines!?!   Fri Aug 21, 2009 2:22 pm

The clinic that I was attending had one nurse on duty at a time. We had two but that was only to give one of them a day off. The clinic hours were 6-2 Mon-Fri, dosing hours were 6-10. Saturday and Sunday they were open 6-8:45.
We also had a half window, the nurse would take our dose out of the safe that was on her right. It was sealed until we got to the window.
We gave her our number if she didn't already know it but she usually knew who you were unless you were new. We paid her and she gave us our dose.
The wait was at the most 10minutes, unless it was on a Saturday or Sunday but even then the longest wait time was 30minutes.
If you had to see your counselor your number would be written on a dry erase board on the wall and you saw it as soon as you came in the door. We didn't have priority dosing, but if someone knew you had an appointment somewhere or had to be at work they would let you dose before them.
Enjoy your day,
Dee


"I will let yesterday end so that today can begin"



Never take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider
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SunshineSmiles

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Location : Charleston, WV
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Registration date : 2009-07-29

PostSubject: update   Mon Nov 02, 2009 11:19 am

They switched us to block scheduling where they took the average time we came and made 4 2hr time slots 6:30-8:30 8:30-10:30 then they break for an hour 11:30-1:30 and they close you have to shouw a certain color card to get in at a certain time it has helped a lot. I have waited up to 2 hrs before just to get dosed but that's not to often anymore Sat they only had 1 window for most of the day and that took awhile but no they do NOT premake takehomes so if someone is in front of you with a month that's like waiting for 30 people to go ahead of you they make each takehome right there. It's hard to get takehomes at my clinic my hubby has been for 15 months and never got 1 yet but he has had some issues to.
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PostSubject: Re: Rate your lines!?!   Wed Nov 04, 2009 5:41 pm

hi Sunshine!
that is weird that they don't make up takehomes before people get there. ours are made up ahead of time. i pickup on friday & they are made on wensday. our clinic is open 6-11am mon thru fri & 8-10am on sat, closed on sun. we don't have specified times to come in except if you need to see the doctor you have to be there by 6:30am on tuesday or friday. but we never have really bad lines. the most i've waited to get dosed & get takehomes is 15min & i let everyone w/ a job go before me. what is the most takeouts you can get at your clinic?
take care,
Cat
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olddavid



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Registration date : 2009-12-01

PostSubject: rate you lines   Wed Dec 02, 2009 3:30 pm

Dosing time is the ONLY thing CRC Portland (Belmont) does with even a modicum of efficiency. If you have more than 5 take outs, you call the day before and they make them up in advance. This one area of competence doesn't, however, make up for their complete failure in every other aspect of treatment. Remember, CRC was funded by Bain Capital Partners, who was CEO'd by our dear conservative Mormon friend, Mitt Romney. Bain's ONLY goal is to make fast money, usually by the pump and dump method. Hopefully, when they unload their stock to someone else, it will be to someone with at least a trace of humanity.
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keemo7

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PostSubject: Tale of Two Clinics...   Wed Dec 23, 2009 10:08 pm

The clinic where I was previously being dosed for 18 years (ATCNE/Brighton MA.) had two dosing windows and a procedure of letting in about 7 or 8 people at a time. The extra people would have to stand outside, regardless of weather. When they had computer problems, clients could be standing in line for at least 15-20 minutes. Not a great system. The clinic I recently started (N. Charles/Somerville, MA.) has one dosing window and one take-home window. Clients are able to line up inside the building, which is nice if you live in New England. Years ago I was on a NYC clinic (Medical M/NY,NY), where they had several dosing windows and no one had to wait outside. That was the best system I've seen yet, and I've been on at least 6 clinics over the past 30 years in NY and MA.
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mmtforme



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PostSubject: Clinic is growing and waiting time is very short   Sun Feb 07, 2010 7:20 pm

I go to a clinic in Woodbury, Minesota. They are now running 2 dosing windows (they just opened the 2nd window a few weeks ago). The time spent waiting in line is normally very short, for me maybe 5 minutes, possibly 10 minutes, but usually less than 5 minutes. They are open from 5:30 a.m. to 1:00 p.m. Monday thru Friday and 5:30 to 10:00 a.m. on Saturday, and closed on Sunday. When you enter the clinic they have someone at a desk in the front room. You give her your # (she is really good about getting to know you so usually she has you in the system and ready to dose by the time you give her your #. If you are paying out of pocket you pay her, the nurses do not handle money, so that cuts the time way down in the dosing line. Then you go back to the area for dosing where there are many chairs to sit in while you wait, and your # is called in the order by which you gave the lady at the fron your #. The nurses here are the absolute best and very efficient. At my clinic they use a pump that dispenses a 10mg/ml concentrate, they then give the cup to you and there are 2 water stations right at the dosing window to add to your dose before consuming it. That is it, simple and fast. I have weekly take outs and I come in on Friday morning about 9:00 to 10:00 a.m., and they always have them ready to go for me. I split dose so I get 2 bottles for each day. If you have to do a U.A., the person you check in with will tell you and you go back to a little room where they have someone every day during all open hours except Saturday when no U.A's are given. She takes some info which takes about 15 seconds, gives you a cup and you go to the bathroom and pee in the cup. When done you give her the cup with your sample and she gives you a little piece of paper which indicates you did the U.A. and when you get up to the nurse to dose you give her your paper. This way the nurses don't have to spend any time dealing with U.A.'s. Also if you have an appointment with your counselor the lady at the front will tell you and you can then dose before or after you see your counselor. Even when I was going every day to dose, it would take normally 10 minutes to check in, do a U.A. ( U.A. once a week) and dose. Very fast, they have their act together!!!
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lilgirllost
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Number of posts : 863
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Location : live in Louisiana but attend MMT clinic in Tx
Job/hobbies : COUPONING & GEOCACHING are my favorite past times but I also love reading and spending time with my husband and kids
Humor : I don't have a sense of humor.............
Registration date : 2009-05-25

PostSubject: Re: Rate your lines!?!   Mon Feb 08, 2010 10:56 pm

WOW! That is super efficient! We have one lady at the front who takes the money and then one med nurse who doses and does the UA's (AND WATCHES you pee when you do the UA). Most of the time, I don't have to wait too long at this clinic though. They are still fairly new and I go in at 6AM so most people haven't even come in yet. I also only go once a month. I do think it would be faster if the nurse would go ahead and count out my meds and have them ready for me to verify rather than waiting till I show up and then having to count out a 130mg dose for 27 days! At my old clinic, they would get them ready the day before you came in that way all you had to do was verify the amount and dose. But all in all, the new clinic compared to my old clinic is alot better about everything else so that is a minor detail. I have never spent more than 30 minutes (unless I saw the doc or the couselor) and usually only about 15-20minutes.


RuthAnn
aka lilgirllost

We are not bad people trying to become good, we are sick people trying to become well.

Methadone; A Flicker Of Light In The Dark
www.medicalassistedtreatment.org
www.suboxoneassistedtreatment.org
We are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
If you cannot afford to call us, send us an email and
we will call you at our expense.
Office: 1-770-334-3655~ Cell: 1-770-527-9119
Email: mrdeanv@aol.com
ALL INFORMATION IS KEPT STRICKLY CONFIDENTIAL
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Regina1968

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Job/hobbies : Disabled due to Lupus and Sciatica
Registration date : 2010-01-19

PostSubject: Re: Rate your lines!?!   Tue Feb 09, 2010 11:08 am

I wished my clinic had the liquid! My clinic is open 5:30 am to 10 am M-F. Saturday 6 am to 10 am. But if you come M-F after 9 am you have to pay $10 extra to late dose. They want you there by 9 am. You first go in to the window and pay if you owe, and then they tell you if you need to have a UA or if you need to see your counsler or doctor. They then give you a ticket and they write on they back how carry outs you get. You go into a large room where the dosing windows are at the back and wait in chairs and go by the ticket number on whose turn it is. They normally only have one window open, except on Saturday mornings early when they are real busy. Then as soon as they are caught up they close the other window. We have had to wait up to 30 minutes before, but on the norm it is 10 minutes. They do not have your carry outs made up. They do that when you get to the window. We get the Orange wafers. They taste so bad. They mix them with warm water to get them to dissolve and then add orange kool-aid. I have tried the liquid a few times when I was getting it on the streets and I love it. It was red and tasted real good, kinda like cherry cough syrup. I asked at our clinic why they didnt have it and the nurse said that it is to hard to check your carry-outs when they call you in for a call back. The nurse said people would take it or sell it and fill the thing it comes in back up with colored water or some other similar liquid. But , all in all, my clinic has it togather! Real nice nurses and counslers and the doctor! Cant complain!
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prodoneboston



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PostSubject: Re: Rate your lines!?!   Wed Feb 10, 2010 10:04 pm

I rate my lines 10/10 A+

I go to a van about 10 min drive from my house

Usually in and out in about 2 min if there is the usual 1-3 people ahead of me.

LONGEST WAITS ARE ABOUT 10 min if you need to get swabbed or someone ahead of you is getting take homes filled or very rarely i might pull in at a busy time when the line is 7-10 people but that has happened maybe 2x.

2 Hour dosing window 6:30-8:30am

Nurses and staff are pretty cool

So far its been drama free and havent heard anyone trying to sell shit or whatever.

Guest dosing is available at many local locations in the state if your gonna be out of town.

The one downfall about this clinic is there is no split dosing. In the AM only.
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PostSubject: Re: Rate your lines!?!   Thu Feb 11, 2010 3:47 pm

Thanks for sharing. I have a question for you prodoneboston, How does it work when you go to the van to dose. What I mean to say is, does the van stay stationary, or does it travel from one area to another? I have heard talk of one possibly coming to my area at some point but honestly I doubt it.
Just in case though, I'd like to hear more about it if you don't mind.

Thanks again,
Dee


"I will let yesterday end so that today can begin"



Never take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider
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lilgirllost
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Number of posts : 863
Age : 44
Location : live in Louisiana but attend MMT clinic in Tx
Job/hobbies : COUPONING & GEOCACHING are my favorite past times but I also love reading and spending time with my husband and kids
Humor : I don't have a sense of humor.............
Registration date : 2009-05-25

PostSubject: Re: Rate your lines!?!   Thu Feb 11, 2010 6:07 pm

Yes, I too would like to know more about how it works with the van. Are they at the same spot every day? If not, how far are the "stops" apart from each other? Like do they stop and service one street and then go over another block or two and service that street or does everyone have to come to one specific spot?

What about when you have to see the doctor? Is there a doc on the bus too?

Is it state funded or do you have to pay? If you pay, how much do they charge?

You said they swab so I assume they don't do urines?

I have never had experience w/a mobile clinic or known anyone who has so I would like to hear how that works.


RuthAnn
aka lilgirllost

We are not bad people trying to become good, we are sick people trying to become well.

Methadone; A Flicker Of Light In The Dark
www.medicalassistedtreatment.org
www.suboxoneassistedtreatment.org
We are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
If you cannot afford to call us, send us an email and
we will call you at our expense.
Office: 1-770-334-3655~ Cell: 1-770-527-9119
Email: mrdeanv@aol.com
ALL INFORMATION IS KEPT STRICKLY CONFIDENTIAL
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jeffsgirl



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Number of posts : 11
Location : Tennessee
Registration date : 2010-02-03

PostSubject: Re: Rate your lines!?!   Sun Feb 14, 2010 2:38 pm

my clinic is open from 5 30am to 12 30pm.....you go in and tell the woman your number and they put you in que and when your name comes up you go into one of the four doseing rooms.....like they will say Bobbi W, never saying your last name just the first letter......I have 6 carries and the make them when you get there....the only time it take a real long time is on a holiday and I have waited over 30mins to get into a parking space then up to an hour once inside to dose but most of the time its like 15mins or so.....if you have to get labs when you go in they will say go to the lab b4 dosing and come back to the window to get in que or if you have to see your counsler they will say see your counsler after dosing if you are a new patient you have to see your counsler b4 dosing it just all depends on who your counsler is, some of them make appts to see them and others like mine just put a flag into the computer.....so far I like my clinic I have been there a year next month, wwoohhoooo can't believe I've been clean that long lol.
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lilgirllost
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Location : live in Louisiana but attend MMT clinic in Tx
Job/hobbies : COUPONING & GEOCACHING are my favorite past times but I also love reading and spending time with my husband and kids
Humor : I don't have a sense of humor.............
Registration date : 2009-05-25

PostSubject: Re: Rate your lines!?!   Mon Feb 15, 2010 12:24 am

You go GIRL! You should be proud of your length of sobriety.

Thanks for sharing with us you experience with your clinic. You said the only time you have to wait a long time (an hour or more) is holiday's........do they have a "fast track" lane for those who have jobs or is everyone on the same schedule there?


RuthAnn
aka lilgirllost

We are not bad people trying to become good, we are sick people trying to become well.

Methadone; A Flicker Of Light In The Dark
www.medicalassistedtreatment.org
www.suboxoneassistedtreatment.org
We are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
If you cannot afford to call us, send us an email and
we will call you at our expense.
Office: 1-770-334-3655~ Cell: 1-770-527-9119
Email: mrdeanv@aol.com
ALL INFORMATION IS KEPT STRICKLY CONFIDENTIAL
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prodoneboston



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Registration date : 2009-12-22

PostSubject: Re: Rate your lines!?!   Mon Feb 15, 2010 10:27 am

nope, you dont travel anywhere on the van. you step on to the van and walk to the back where theres a nurse at a desk. she pulls you up on the computer by name or number, your picture is on screen so she knows its you. she might ask a couple confirmation questions like your date of birth, what dose your on, ect.. she presses ok and the dose comes out of a nozzle into a little cup measured perfectly, and your done.

the main clinic is a couple towns over and they send vans to 3 locations everyday. it is not state funded unless you have state insurance and then it is covered 100% if not its like $135/wk or something. the van is at the same place daily, right next door to the police dept. i've never seen the cops bother anyone though in my experience. we are very lucky to not all have to go to the main clinic to dose and have the vans closer to home. however, until about a month ago all the sign ups, orientation appts, group counseling, ect.. were at the main building, now those things can be done in the new building also which is next town over.

also, i didnt mention, if you have state insurance, they cover a cab ride to and from the clinic daily.


Since I posted this, the lines have become much worse. today for example was 45 min in the cold ass pouring rain. i should have ever posted this i jinxed myself! Todaay they get a big fat F and a C for the last 2-3 wks btw im talking about my first post in this thread where i was praising my clinic on pg1


Last edited by prodoneboston on Wed Feb 24, 2010 10:03 am; edited 2 times in total
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jeffsgirl



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PostSubject: Re: Rate your lines!?!   Mon Feb 15, 2010 3:07 pm

the ppl who work can dose at 5 30am b4 anyone else can if you bring a letter from your work.....I am proud of myself and my life has changed soooo much since on mmt
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lilgirllost
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Number of posts : 863
Age : 44
Location : live in Louisiana but attend MMT clinic in Tx
Job/hobbies : COUPONING & GEOCACHING are my favorite past times but I also love reading and spending time with my husband and kids
Humor : I don't have a sense of humor.............
Registration date : 2009-05-25

PostSubject: Re: Rate your lines!?!   Mon Feb 15, 2010 6:51 pm

You should be proud of yourself! I love talking to ppl who are still in the first year or so of MMT treatment. It encourages me and reminds me of the progress I made and decisions & realizations I came to during that time. When you are actually able to start feeling things again and having emotions about things. I can't describe it, but there was this one point that I just "got" it, you know? It was like I could understand and see things again and I knew what I wanted and what I needed to do. What was important and what wasn't.......am I making any sense?

It was a spiritual moment for me and when I talk to newbies it takes me back to that time and helps me remember what I decided that day and what changed inside of me.

SO thank you for sharing.

ruthann


RuthAnn
aka lilgirllost

We are not bad people trying to become good, we are sick people trying to become well.

Methadone; A Flicker Of Light In The Dark
www.medicalassistedtreatment.org
www.suboxoneassistedtreatment.org
We are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
If you cannot afford to call us, send us an email and
we will call you at our expense.
Office: 1-770-334-3655~ Cell: 1-770-527-9119
Email: mrdeanv@aol.com
ALL INFORMATION IS KEPT STRICKLY CONFIDENTIAL
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jeffsgirl



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Number of posts : 11
Location : Tennessee
Registration date : 2010-02-03

PostSubject: Re: Rate your lines!?!   Tue Feb 16, 2010 12:54 pm

it is amazing how your emothions come back some bad and some good.....I remember one time I was so aggervated for NO reason and I couldn't figure it out and all it was I wasnt numb anymore......but I do understand what you are saying completly and sometimes your feelings are overwhelming.
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PostSubject: Re: Rate your lines!?!   Wed Feb 17, 2010 2:37 am

I want to thank all of you for sharing about your clinic experience. It really makes a difference to be able to hear such a positive response. You should all be proud of yourselves. You have come a long way and I'm sure you will continue.
Keep posting it makes a difference.
Don't forget about the CHAT that RuthAnn has scheduled for the 28th of this month. The last one was really great so lets do it again!
Dee


"I will let yesterday end so that today can begin"



Never take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider
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Regina1968

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Job/hobbies : Disabled due to Lupus and Sciatica
Registration date : 2010-01-19

PostSubject: Re: Rate your lines!?!   Wed Feb 17, 2010 8:01 am

You are so right about feelings! It was like I was walking around in a fog all the time. All I thought about was finding more pills! Now I have a life again and all I worry about is getting to the clinic the 4 days a week I go. Its amazing when you come out of the fog and all the things I was missing with my Eight year old son! He loves it now since I go to the clinic. He even ask me everyday "mom do you go to the clinic tomorrow" ! Kids even pick up on the stress of an addict! I feel bad for him for what I put him thru. But it is like a different world now!!
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lilgirllost
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Number of posts : 863
Age : 44
Location : live in Louisiana but attend MMT clinic in Tx
Job/hobbies : COUPONING & GEOCACHING are my favorite past times but I also love reading and spending time with my husband and kids
Humor : I don't have a sense of humor.............
Registration date : 2009-05-25

PostSubject: Re: Rate your lines!?!   Wed Feb 17, 2010 10:50 am

Regina,
You are right about how the stress effects your kids. Luckily, the major part of my addiction was before my kids were born, although I wish I would have been able to not put my first son through the addiction while I was pregnant w/him. When he was about 7 months old, I started going to a methadone clinic and then my second son was born while I was on MMT so he had an easier pregnancy than my first son did.

I still worry about any trauma or damage I may have caused either one of them, but thankfully they were so young they won't "remember" it. All they know is I go to the doctor once a month to get my medicine. My oldest is 10 and the youngest just turned 9.

I will never forget the day after I had been in treatment for about 6 months, I was 4 mths preg w/my second and my oldest was 8 mths old and I was on the way back from a clinic visit. I had to drive over this really tall bridge over the lake and because I had to go so early in the AM, I usually caught the sunrise on the way back. I never really paid much attention to it before I would look at it and think, oh that's pretty and then just go on my way......I will never forget this one morning as long as I live, I don't know WHAT come over me, maybe it was hormones from pregnancy, maybe it was finally being able to feel and enjoy something so basic and beautiful maybe it was a spiritual thing and I finally felt close to God.........I DON'T KNOW but all of the sudden I was looking at that beautiful sunrise and it hit me how beautiful it was and how happy I was and that for once in a very long time I actually felt at peace with myself and life. I was enjoying motherhood when I hadn't before this time because it interfered w/my pill hunting and new motherhood made me crave even more! I just felt so overwhelmed with emotions and there were so many of them I can't put my finger on just one emotion I was feeling at that moment. I had to pull over because the emotions were so strong in me and I just sat there crying, with goosebumps over my arms because it just felt so good and free and I thought to myself, THIS is what it is suppose to be about, this is what life is about. I don't know how to explain it any better and the words and feelings I have used just don't do it justice. That was a big turning point for me. I also felt like that was God's way of telling me it was all going to be ok now. I was on the right track and it was all going to be ok.

Am I making any sense to you guys? I read back what I wrote and I sound crazy and my words inadequate to accurately describe the experience, but it was a big turning point in my life.

Regina, don't beat yourself up too bad about what you put your son through. Yes, it wasn't a good thing and you did hurt him, but you are doing right by him now. You have given him his mom back before it was too late so focus on that part your recovery and don't beat yourself up too bad about what happened before.

I always say we should still feel that little prick of guilt about what we have done wrong, otherwise if we ever stop feeling that prick we are more likely to repeat the mistake, but on the same token we have to forgive ourselves and let it go. We can't go on beating ourselves up about the situation because my gosh, it would eat us alive all the crap we have done to our loved ones. So forgive yourself and go on, but don't ever "forget" the pain you caused him, lest you make the same mistake again.


RuthAnn
aka lilgirllost

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jeffsgirl



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Number of posts : 11
Location : Tennessee
Registration date : 2010-02-03

PostSubject: Re: Rate your lines!?!   Wed Feb 17, 2010 3:41 pm

you hit the nail on the head when you said "enjoy" motherhood.....my step-son is 4 and I have enjoied him being little so much and it seems like looking back at my kids at that age I was always wishing they would grow up so I would have more freedom I mean don't get me wrong I loved and enjoyed my girls but now with my step-son it is much different at that age.
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