Methadone: A Flicker Of Light In The Dark

Methadone: A Flicker Of Light In The Dark

To provide a better understanding of the very important role methadone plays in the treatment of addiction.
 
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 My Story of Recovery

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Female
Number of posts : 484
Age : 59
Location : Vermont
Registration date : 2009-03-05

PostSubject: My Story of Recovery   Sat Mar 21, 2009 4:13 pm

My Story success story is a combination of Methadone and Suboxone.
When I first started by recovery it was with the help of Methadone. If it weren't for this wonderful medication I know that I would not be sitting here today. So many times I had tried to stop on my own only to start back up again in only a matter of days or just a few weeks.
The day I started Methadone, was the beginning of the new life I have now. I can't say that it has always been an easy road to travel. It hasn't.
But when searching for the ability to become normal, you have to wonder what normal is. Normal is not only the feeling of relief that comes with not having to go out and find the drug that keeps you sane each day, it also is the emotions that we tend to be able to block out or not feel.
When I was using I was on a roller coaster ride, one that I thought would never end. I prayed for the day that I wouldn't have to wake up sick every morning. I hated that feeling. But not enough to stop. I was afraid of withdrawal as may people are.
My story is below:

nannamom/Dee's story of recovery,
I apologize in advance at the length of my story, I will leave a lot out I'm sure.
I am one of those people that have always had something wrong with them physically. I would be given pain pills and I would always feel the warmth and energy they would give to me.
My first earliest recollection of not being able to stop or not wanting to was back in the early 80's I had been in the hospital for surgery on one of my lungs. My husband at the time was so angry at me for being there. He kept telling me there was nothing wrong with me and demanded that I come home. When I was let out of the hospital, I returned home fully expecting to be able to recover from the surgery and go on with my life and my job. But I had another thing coming, that other thing was a beating I will never forget. My husband was so angry that I stayed away from him and home, he couldn't see that I needed to be in the hospital all that he could see was that I must have enjoyed being away from him. he had always been abusive, but nothing like that day. I ended up with a collapsed lung, I didn't go back into the hospital but stayed at home fearing that he would beat me worse than before. I finally healed after a time. but the only escape I had was in my pain pills. They gave me comfort, and warmth. As I said before.
That time period in my life was the beginning of a battle that I would never win. For years I would quit, only to start using again.
Finally, I got away from him. ( he left me) I went into recovery and did well for a few years.
Then I met the father of my son I'll call him TH) He was an addict, but hid it from me well.
The day I found out, we fought and argued he swore that he would stop. But instead he used every opportunity he could to get me back into using, finally one day I met heroin and that was my new love. For years I lived for the feeling that heroin would bring me. But money and luck eventually ran out.
I decided the only way I could stop was to leave, leave the area, leave my friends and leave my son's father. And I did.
I took my son and got on a greyhound bus bound for the Northeast.
I went into withdrawal on the bus, it was horrible but I did make it through. I stayed with friends, got a job and finally a small apartment. I did well for two years.
One day at work I injured my back and had to have surgery to repair the damage. my roller coaster ride began once again.
I had a total of three surgeries, and worked my way up to oxycontin, from oxycontin I quickly went back to heroin. TH was back in my life by now and we were both using the pills and heroin.
It was an up and down roller coaster ride. I would work, get paid, buy dope, and start all over again.
The day would come that one of us wouldn't make it. The combination of depression, worry and waking up sick each day would take it's toll. TH committed suicide. He left behind a confused child, a child that thought it was his fault that daddy was gone, he didn't understand.
You would think that I would have stopped, but I didn't, I couldn't, I didn't want to.
It took three more years of abusing for me to finally realize that I could' do it any more, and I couldn't quit on my own. My addiction was stronger that I was.
BY this time I had met someone else, someone that did not do drugs, someone that would stand by me no matter what.
I arranged for him to take my son down to my sisters home in Alabama while I went into yet another detox, the day I came out of detox, i got on another greyhound bus bound for Alabama, I did not go home I did not stop. When I arrived in Alabama, I had to go to the hospital for an ear infection that I had picked up in detox, I was in a lot of pain and once again I was given pain pills. I took the pain pills, and that started my cravings all over again. I did the only thing I knew I could do, I went to my sister and I talked to her. She told me that she loved me no matter what. A few days later she drove me to the Methadone clinic.
That day was the beginning. I stayed on Methadone for 4 years. I went back to work, I gained the trust of other people and I had no pain. I learned a lot about my addiction. I went daily to the clinic to dose. I knew I was tied to the clinic but I didn't care. I was happy and I felt that I was whole again.
One day while at work I received a phone call, there had been an emergency with my son. He was injured, he would spend a month in the children's hospital in Birmingham Alabama, when he got out, we moved back up to Vermont. I didn't want to move, I was afraid. But I did.
And to make a long story short, I had to switch over to Suboxone. I have been on suboxone ever since.

But it doesn't matter which medication I'm on. Weather it be Methadone or Suboxone. What matter is, I am alive thanks to the availability of being able to choose to take a medication that helps me to manage my addiction.
Through medication, counseling, and the support of my close friends and family I have been able to become the person that I am.
Yours In Recovery,
Dee


"I will let yesterday end so that today can begin"



Never take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider


Last edited by Dee on Sun Oct 10, 2010 2:30 am; edited 1 time in total
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Happylady5

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PostSubject: RE:Story of recovery by: Dee   Sat Aug 14, 2010 8:32 am

What a touching story. I am so glad you made it to this day. Yes, I am so glad that you have the satisfaction of having a normal life again. It sure makes it a lot easier to get up in the morning. Thank you for sharing your story. I am sure that there is someone else like you, out there, that needs that story to get them started in recovery.
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PostSubject: Re: My Story of Recovery   Sat Aug 14, 2010 5:08 pm

Thanks happylady,
You know I was thinking today that I am still discovering some of the simple things that I missed so much. Except back then I didn't realize how important things like going to the Farmers Market, or just sitting on my front porch and watching the birds fly around the feeders are to me. I never had time.
My son who is now 17 jokes with me that I am just getting old and sentimental and maybe I am, but if this is what getting old and sentimental is, I'll take that anyday.
Enjoy the day!
Dee


"I will let yesterday end so that today can begin"



Never take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider
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floydfx05

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PostSubject: Re: My Story of Recovery   Sat Aug 14, 2010 7:59 pm

wow Dee thats quite a story, one of these days I will tell mine. Everyone has a diffrent story, most of the time it ends the same, with methadone saving them, it definitly gave me life back, and your right when were using we dont stop and smell the flowers, we only have one thing on our minds. I love life today, I try not to takes certain things for granted.
Peace and love....Debbie
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PostSubject: Re: My Story of Recovery   Sun Aug 15, 2010 10:48 am

Dee- It is great that you are enjoying the beauty in life! Feeling the breeze and just enjoying, is one thing I love to do that I didn't have time for, before. I like this life a lot better, when I don't have to worry about pills anymore. I can just be and enjoy what the world has to offer.
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PostSubject: Re: My Story of Recovery   Fri Feb 17, 2012 12:04 pm

Learning how to love yourself enough to accept love may have helped you make the final decision to get on MMT.
You made it out of that Hell alive and deseve kudo's everyday for your strenth.
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