THOUGHT FOR TODAY 8-27-10 ARE YOU STILL KEEPING SECRETS IN YOUR RECOVERY?

"They Say" that a huge part of addiction recovery is un-burdening yourself of all those "secrets" that you keep inside because of the fear of judgment. I guess this goes along with Step 5 of the 12 Steps. You admit to your higher power, yourself, and another human being the exact nature of your wrongs.

The purpose of this step is supposed to be about openly acknowledging the positive while committing to work at rectifying your negatives. I do understand the purpose of it, I guess I'm just NO WHERE near being ready for this type of outward honesty. I'm not saying I'll never be there, just not right now.

It seems that I'm not alone in my unwillingness to admit my secrets to another human beings. I have found some sites recently who's main purpose is to let people anonymously admit their secrets...both good and bad.
I had never heard of these types of sites before until I had read a post on another blogger's site about confessing our secrets. It was in this post that the website Post Secrets was mentioned.

It didn't take long for me to be in tears while checking out some of the anonymous secrets that are posted on this site. I felt so horrible for some of these people, they have been carrying around these secrets for so long. They obviously needed to unburden themselves or they wouldn't thought it necessary to anonymously share their secrets on this site.

Then it dawned on me...I'm not sitting here judging these people for what they are sharing. I'm empathizing with them and identifying with them. Feeling bad for them that they found no means of unburdening themselves other than leaving an anonymous secret on a website.

So why is it that I feel that I would be judged harshly? Why do I feel like there are things that I've done that I could never say out loud to another human being? I'm not talking serial murder here, I'm talking just normal human being type actions that result from low self-esteem and possibly addictive thinking.

I don't have an explanation for this. I have no trouble admitting to myself my wrong doings. I also have no problem thinking about these things and trying to figure out what caused these actions. I know that it's not just the result of being a bad person.

I guess I'm looking for some feedback on this topic. Are there those people out there that don't feel like they have gotten to the point of being able to bare their sole to another human being yet? Am I holding my self back in terms of my recovery because I can't do this? Should I just wait until I feel ready? Will I ever feel ready?


Taken from WHAT WINNERS DO

I looked at some of the secrets on the web. Yes, some people just need an outlet to share their deep-dark secrets. I noticed at that forum, that these people weren't judged harshly. It's a good way to get rid of a secret.


Using really keeps your mind cloudy so you can't think of those negative thoughts. When I used to use and I had a bad day, I would do some morphine just to haze out those yucky feelings. What it really did was pile-up all those bad feelings. That is how I coped.


Now that I am clean, those "bad days" are some of my hardest days in recovery. The bad feeling will go away (most of the time) with some exercise and a long shower. Sometimes, I just need to tell someone about my crappy day. That helps getting a second opinion on the matter. I have to relearn coping skills, in my recovery of pain-pill addiction. It's tough but the bad day passes and the sunrises again.