Methadone: A Flicker Of Light In The Dark

Methadone: A Flicker Of Light In The Dark

To provide a better understanding of the very important role methadone plays in the treatment of addiction.
 
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 Hi to our latest members 2dboy from Canada ~ trpnhrdcore from Texas ~ loppo4 from USA ~ KICKED from NY and BUSHIT123 from the Philippines

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lilgirllost
Admin
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Female
Number of posts : 863
Age : 45
Location : live in Louisiana but attend MMT clinic in Tx
Job/hobbies : COUPONING & GEOCACHING are my favorite past times but I also love reading and spending time with my husband and kids
Humor : I don't have a sense of humor.............
Registration date : 2009-05-25

PostSubject: Hi to our latest members 2dboy from Canada ~ trpnhrdcore from Texas ~ loppo4 from USA ~ KICKED from NY and BUSHIT123 from the Philippines   Wed Dec 01, 2010 12:05 pm


Hello you all. I wanted to mention that we have three new members join the forum in the past several days and wanted to take a second to introduce them to you.

First we have 2dboy from Canada and then we have loppo4 from the US and then we also have trpnhrdcore from Texas. I want to ask you current members to be sure and welcome them to the group and make them feel at home.

2dboy and loppo4 are next as new members: I hope that you will be an active member of our group and feel comfortable with posting and joining in the conversations.

Kicked and BUSHIT123 were the latest to join and we want them to feel welcome as well.

We are so glad to have all of you join us. We hope that you will feel welcome and be active members of the forum.

If you would like to share something of your story with the group, we would love to hear from you. Or if you have any questions or comments you would like to make, please don't hesitate.

If you need or want to speak with someone privately, you can private message anyone of the members through the forum's private message feature. You can contact me through this feature or you can contact me through email. Anything you say is kept confidential, so please don't hesitate to speak about whatever you need to.

Again, I wanted to welcome you both to the group and to reinforce the fact that we are here if you need us. I hope to see you both around the forum!



RuthAnn
aka lilgirllost

We are not bad people trying to become good, we are sick people trying to become well.

Methadone; A Flicker Of Light In The Dark
www.medicalassistedtreatment.org
www.suboxoneassistedtreatment.org
We are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
If you cannot afford to call us, send us an email and
we will call you at our expense.
Office: 1-770-334-3655~ Cell: 1-770-527-9119
Email: mrdeanv@aol.com
ALL INFORMATION IS KEPT STRICKLY CONFIDENTIAL
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2dboy

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Male
Number of posts : 2
Age : 45
Location : toronto
Job/hobbies : tv producer
Humor : love british comedy
Registration date : 2010-11-29

PostSubject: thanks for the welcome!   Sat Dec 11, 2010 9:23 pm

Hi there - thanks so much for the welcome. I was really happy when i logged on and saw it.
My name is john and I have been on methadone for about 14 years (I am 37) which scares me immensley - I remember thinking it was going to be so easy to quit heroin and just use the methadone for a few months and move on - how naive!
I will say this though - methadone has allowed me to get my life back. I was using heroin by 18 after starting with other drugs and so dropped out of school, quit working, and started scamming and just being a total loser. Getting on methadone allowed me to get back into the world or work, family, friends, etc. I still was using, but i didnt have to depend on it - i could go for days without it and even weeks, and then months and once a whole year.
I will be honest with you all - i still use heroin and sometimes for weeks on end. I hate myself for it, and always feel so much better about myself when i am totally clean, so the struggle continues - i hope this doesnt make me ineligible to be on this forum. I just want to occassionaly talk to other people in similar situations - I dont relate to any of the people I see at my clinic - not to judge any of them - but its a real awful place where drugs are openly sold and talked about and a lot of very desperate people congregate. I feel like I am living 2 lives - I get up, head to this place to get my drink and have to line up with ppl in this dingy hole, and then I am off to work, where I produce television shows with people who have NO idea what my real life is about (get this, I recently was asked to story produce on the show intervention - how ironic is that - needless to say I had to say no). I work freelance, so i go from show to show and I really love what I do and have worked VERY hard to get to this point (no education, started as a PA photocopying, and doing coffee runs) but i loved it and thrived and methadone allowed me to not be sick every morning and so i could get out of bed and face the world.
I do wish I could be free of it all - honestly who wouldnt - I am not dumb and I know it cant be great for my health to be shooting smack occassionally and drinking methadone everyday - and i feel like i am coming to some kind of massive change in my life soon... the dreams I have been having are crazy. I have a addict father (booze) who is now in AA and is doing so well and he tries to talk to me about it, but its hard for him - i am his gay son, which was super hard for him to accept but he does now and i love him for it - he grew up catholic in ireland and now he doesnt even listen to the catholic church because they spew so much hatred towards gays - i am so proud of his growth. He isnt doing well health wise, and my biggest regret in life will be if I cant show my dad I am drug free before he dies - i know it breaks his heart.
gosh I am going on and on - i hope this isnt boring
i have 3 sisters, 2 of which have kids, and 2 of which are married to police officers - LOL
they are all amazing and i love them all so much and each of them has been supportive in some way. They use to (in the beginning) try to do interventions, etc but now they know they cannot change me, only love me, and that is hard. I want to be the strong, successful, drug free brother they want (I have the successful part down, and I am strong in a lot of ways - but drug free? not so much). Not that it affects my life that much.
OK, that was a lie - of course it does.
I am not open to love - although i desperatly want to be in a relationship, I keep myself protected whenever I met other guys interested because of my secrets - I would love to be an openly gay proud uncle in a relationship to my neieces and nephews but I havent had a boyfriend since I was in my 20's and totally messed up. I cant even think about sex unless I am wasted and its annonymous - its a problem, I know.
So, to sum it up, late 30's, gay male, somewhat cross addicted, tv producer, in major city with great family and some great friends (drug free), who is somewhat moving forward but still stuck in so many ways...
nice to meet you all.
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lilgirllost
Admin
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Female
Number of posts : 863
Age : 45
Location : live in Louisiana but attend MMT clinic in Tx
Job/hobbies : COUPONING & GEOCACHING are my favorite past times but I also love reading and spending time with my husband and kids
Humor : I don't have a sense of humor.............
Registration date : 2009-05-25

PostSubject: Re: Hi to our latest members 2dboy from Canada ~ trpnhrdcore from Texas ~ loppo4 from USA ~ KICKED from NY and BUSHIT123 from the Philippines   Sat Dec 11, 2010 10:36 pm

Hi John. I am glad to hear from you one way or the other (forum or email) I was anxious to talk to you when you first signed up to let you know that no matter what, you are welcome here. None of us are perfect and we all have our hang ups (you will see that as you read through a lot of the posts here) so don't worry about not being welcome here because you still have problems with cravings and abusing drugs. While we promote trying to follow the methadone program as it is designed, and in a perfect world we all could follow it exactly like it's suppose to be done but we aren't naive enough to think that we live in a perfect world and again, we all have issues so you are welcome here.

Thanks for sharing some of your story with us too. I personally like to talk alot (if you couldn't tell that from my original email I sent you LOL!) so don't worry about rambling either. It is always refreshing to hear other ppl's stories and to get an idea about where they are coming from and where they are at.

I can relate to what you say about feeling like you are living 2 lives and also how you feel like you don't really "fit it" with the ppl at your clinic. I don't relate to anyone at mine either and I don't get into conversations with them or get into their discussions. I don't mean to sound snotty, but I also come from a different place than most of the ppl at my clinic. Most of them are still in and out of jail, have unstable relationships and lives and I feel so silly when the nurse and counselor at the clinic ask me what has been going on in my life lately and I don't really have anything to tell them! I am married, have been for 17 yrs we have two boys ages 11 and 9 and I've been on MMT for 11 yrs this April. My life doesn't change much anymore and not alot goes on other than the daily stuff of working, taking care of kids and stuff. So I can relate in that area as well. ALSO no one where we live now knows about my MMT. I live in Louisiana and drive over to a clinic in Tx. My husband is a federal employee in law enforcement and if they found out that he had a wife on MMT, he would lose his security clearance and quite possibly his job. Doens't matter that I'm stable and it's me NOT HIM, they do not approve of any type of ORT (opiate replacement therapy) methadone or suboxone so again, we don't tell anyone here at all. My family knows but most of them think I should be off of it by now and don't understand why I'm still on it. You said you have trouble with still taking heroin, I struggle with not gobbling up all my takeouts (I get 27 takeouts at a time) SO! I ramble and say all that to say this, YOU ARE NOT ALONE in this! You may not feel like you can reach out to ppl at your clinic, but you can here.

Maybe we can help you get to trusting ppl again and one day you may be able to open yourself up again for a real relationship. You have got to start trusting ppl again! You deserve a companion or a spouse and to have someone to love you in that way.

Allright, I have rambled enough for this time. I am so glad you contacted us and that you are posting to the forum. Please don't be a stranger and if you want to talk some more, don't hesitate to post to the forum or you can contact me if you want.

Take care!



RuthAnn
aka lilgirllost

We are not bad people trying to become good, we are sick people trying to become well.

Methadone; A Flicker Of Light In The Dark
www.medicalassistedtreatment.org
www.suboxoneassistedtreatment.org
We are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
If you cannot afford to call us, send us an email and
we will call you at our expense.
Office: 1-770-334-3655~ Cell: 1-770-527-9119
Email: mrdeanv@aol.com
ALL INFORMATION IS KEPT STRICKLY CONFIDENTIAL
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Happylady5

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Female
Number of posts : 93
Age : 32
Location : MN
Humor : It's a great day to be alive!
Registration date : 2010-06-06

PostSubject: Re: Hi to our latest members 2dboy from Canada ~ trpnhrdcore from Texas ~ loppo4 from USA ~ KICKED from NY and BUSHIT123 from the Philippines   Sun Dec 12, 2010 11:11 am

Welcome everybody! This forum Rocks!
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PostSubject: Re: Hi to our latest members 2dboy from Canada ~ trpnhrdcore from Texas ~ loppo4 from USA ~ KICKED from NY and BUSHIT123 from the Philippines   

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