Methadone: A Flicker Of Light In The Dark

Methadone: A Flicker Of Light In The Dark

To provide a better understanding of the very important role methadone plays in the treatment of addiction.
 
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 pretty good in Texas

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mram50



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PostSubject: pretty good in Texas   Tue Jun 09, 2009 12:08 pm

Texas isn't known for its liberal bias by any stretch of the imagination and it does seem odd how liberal states seem to have the worse clinics...Has anyone else noticed that? Wonder why and I'm a very liberal person.. I guess it's the liberal perpensity to write extra regulations and unfortuneate we as methadone patients also get caught up in those regs as well.. Who knows?
Anyuway..
I've been in clinics in Ohio, Indiana and Texas..two in TX and finally found one in Arlington, TX where you can pretty much do as you please as long as you pay your bill on time.
In Ohio forget it.. It used to be a liberal state..at least the states constitution is, but the clowns running the state are quite the oposite. Indiana seems exactly the other way around. The clinic was OK except i got kicked out because some nitwit running the place just didn't like me.
Here in TX in Arlington they'll stay open extra if your running a little late, allow you to charge doses occasionally and UAs are never observed. Even if they come up dirty it's not really an issue unless it becomes a regular thing..
I was in Irving, TX for a while and closing time is closing time..no exceptions and they want to inspect your lock box every time you get a take out, make sure it locks, observe UA's, etc, but it's still nothing near as bad as Ohio where it's the absolute worse in the US to my knowledge. It boils down to free clinics are the worse, pay clinics the best. Free comes with to many strings while pay clinics many fewer strings. Also the bigger the town you're in the more clinics there are the more conmpetition the fewer the BS regs.. That's my take.. Wink
Looking for a good clinic go to Arlington, TX.
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PostSubject: About the clinic in Arlington, Texas ?   Wed Jun 10, 2009 6:04 pm

Thank you for responding....I wish more would take the time to help all of us..... don't you? I am glad to hear from you and you did make some very good points but thank you for letting us know you are attending a good MMT Program. I spent ten years in Texas when I first got married and I did grow to love it there. I just wanted to ask you if you would give the members the name of your program and possibly the address and phone number because we have over 4,000 people looking over these posts every week. I am sure some are from Texas and may be interested...in transferring to another OTP.
You made one good point I would like to remind people of. The more programs they are in an area, they do tend not give you as much BS as ones where they are the only one. If you live in Georgia in the Metro-Atlanta area, I recommend GPA, Inc. in Doraville, Ga. They are four clinics all within five miles of one another and they are all competing for your business but I do not recommend any in Norcross, Ga. I have all of the clinics in Georgia listed on my website and we have about 42 clinics and I give you all their prices and hours they are open and any information I know about them whether it be good or bad. I supply you with their address, map and phone number and I sure wish I could do it with all of the MMT Programs in the United States and then report on each one what we know to be the truth.
It is one of our goals but until I have enough employees I can pay to help me put them all on a website we have to be satisfied with "Rate Your Program" and just sharing the information on the forum with one another because I can barely handle the state of Georgia and believe me many of the clinics give me problems because the patients can pull up my website and check the prices on all the clinics near them and find out if they cap dose or any other bad information reported on them and they stay away from these...this gives us some control and takes it away from them. Yes, it does and has caused me many problems since I attend one here in Georgia...Does it ever? affraid
If I did not attend one and have problems similar to yours then I could not totally understand what you are dealing with no more than our counselors do whom we see at out OTPs (Opiate Treatment Programs).. I have been in treatment for sixteen years and I know about the agonizing withdrawal symptoms and I know all about the cravings which can take total control of your mind until it is all you can think of ...is how to obtain enough medication to see you through the day.
I have walked a mile in most of your shoes and I have dealt with discrimination and the stigma attached to methadone. I know what it is like not to be able to obtain a dose increase when you need one (boy, do I?) I know what it is like when your family disapproves of you taking methadone. My had finally came around but it did take many years but you are not living your life for them and you must make the decision you can live with. Yes, I do understand we all desire our parent's approval but we must not let it control our life. If they see changes in your life sooner otr later they will come around and agree with you concerning the methadone. It totally changed my life and my parents could not deny it made a difference.
If any of you feel like you need to share with someone and you can't open up to the people on the forum and they are good people, please feel free to send me a PM or e-mail me. You really need to start taking baby steps and start opening up to one another because we all share the disease of addiction in common and if there is something you need to let go of then take away its power and share it with all of us and allow each of us to love you. We all have made mistakes and some of us have made some really bad ones but the first thing you must do is forgive yourself.You can't move forward until you forgive yourself and let go of the past and maybe you have never known unconditional love but it is available here.
You are not an island and man was not meant to live alone. Please don't withdraw from the world and get out of the past and give it up and forgive yourself and we will all forgive you. Start over and open up and help people and you can start by sharing with us about your own MMT. Would you recommend your program to others and if you would tell us where it is and why. You are making a contribution and you are turing your life around by helping others. It will help you forgive yourself much quicker and make you feel really good about yourself and it is just a tiny step but you must learn to walk all over again without the help of drugs . I know you can do it because none of you ened up here by chance...fate briought you here and if you will listen ...and start giving to others ...your life will start going in a different direction. Enough...I will shut up but please do listen because it will make a difference in your life.
I want to give double thanks to the person who did tell us abour their MMT Program amd I hope all of you will take notice of it. Thanks again afor telling us about Arlington but how about the name of the clinc?
Thank You.
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mram50



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PostSubject: Re: pretty good in Texas   Wed Jun 17, 2009 2:47 pm

The clinic in Arlington, TX is CDHS, Chemical Dependency Health services on Billings Dr (or Rd) Arlington, TX just about 1/4 mile southeast of the intersection of SR360 and Abrams Rd..about a mile south of I-30 I don't have the number or exact address off hand, but will look it up and add a map to it.
The free one in Irving while not the greatest is still a whole lot better than many. WTCR, West texas Rehabilitation..something like that.. It's on Pioneer Rd in Irving, TX at the corner of McArther. I'll look them both up when i get some time. Wink.. What the heck..time happened. LOL

Here it is.. CDHS Ste 240, 214 Billings St, Arlington, TX‎ - (817) 652-1004 Billings is a bit hard to find looking at the map, but it's right off of Osler. There's a office complex and it's in there. on Google: http://maps.google.com/maps?oe=utf-8&rls=org.debian:en-US:unofficial&client=iceweasel-a&um=1&ie=UTF-8&q=CDHS+in+Arlington,+TX&fb=1&split=1&gl=us&cid=0,0,8960782679633076301&ei=gy45StW0IJqxtgfN4ODiDA&sa=X&oi=local_result&ct=image&resnum=1

WTCR has offices all over the place here, but here's their locator site. http://www.wtcr.net/Contactus.html
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PostSubject: Re: pretty good in Texas   Fri Jun 19, 2009 10:09 am



mram50,
Thanks for posting that information.
I really wish that our other members would be as active as you are on the forum. I know that you must be a busy person but you have taken the time out of your day to help.
Thanks so much,
Dee


"I will let yesterday end so that today can begin"



Never take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider
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mram50



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PostSubject: Re: pretty good in Texas   Mon Jun 22, 2009 11:39 pm

As much as i like the clinic i go to now I am trying to transfer back to WTCR not because of anything CDHS has done, but because i just can no longer afford to take days off to go to the doctors office and I'm now at a point in my life where i have to see a doc because i have lost a LOT of weight VERY fast, my legs look like match sticks and I don't have the strength to do the work I've been doing for the past several years. WTCR gets funding through the county which makes it free while CDHS cost me $10 a day plus the gas there and back. $10 a day isn't a huge amount of money, but the meger work i do doesn't pay much plus the way things have been going with my body lately i never know when i wake up if my legs will hold my own body weight or not. The work i do, selling scrap metal certainly isn't one i can do from a wheelchair and I'm also not sure if they will take me back either. When i left i left because they put me down as dirty because i couldn't pee that day. I had taken a gread deal of pride in being clean for nearly 5 yrs, but now..I just don't care anymore what they think. But, it wasn't the only time i walked out so a third time might not get me back in. If not I don't know what I'll do because I HAVE to see a doctor and don't have the money to NOT work.. As it is, no work, no dose. no dose I get sick...real sick.
Last week my legs seemed OK thin as they are, but I got constipated. When i finally did my business the strength came out of my legs right away and it's taken a week to get some of it back, but every time I lose strength i never get it all back plus i lose the weight.
I hope to get an ID and then SSI or SSD, but with warrants...it's dicey.. I still need to take that gamble plus it would be nice to get a normal job where i don't have to carry heavy weight around every day..weight I can't carry anymore. :p
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PostSubject: Re: pretty good in Texas   Mon Jun 22, 2009 11:41 pm

By the way..something's wrong in the script.. the page makes me scroll way across the screen..probably just a table blip somewhere..easy to fix IF you can find it in all the pages of php. Wink
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PostSubject: still have to scroll..   Sat Jul 04, 2009 3:35 pm

I don't know why I have to scroll.. Oh well..
I can't seem to get the money to transfer. I need money for ID and can't seem to get it so I'm getting between a rock and a hard place now.
I'm OK till monday or perhaps tuesday, but any further and unless money comes out of the sky I'm screwed.
Hopefully the weather cools off because the heat has been unbearable this week and i did pass out thursday.
I need to see docs and until I get that ID made i have to keep working (nearly impossible now) My legs are flat out about to give out period and I think the problem is my pottasium levels because my kidneys don't get rid of it fast enough. I can still walk, but even that is becomming tough now..
On top of it all..my brake lights quit working.. OH GREAT, huh? And to top it off I had a tire lose its tread the other day so i had to change it in a walmart parking lot and the heat really did me in.. Right after I got the old tire into the back of the truck the darn thing blew and about blew out my ear drum with it, but I'm Ok from that.. it did make me jump for the first time in a good while. Wink I was real lucky it didn't blow while I was changing it. That might have taken my hand/head/whatever off with it. At least I had a spare.. It has a slow leak, but that's something I can at least deal with..
I noticed the other day I can put my fingers all the way around my thighs now..thumbs to middle fingers about half way up where the most muscle is..what muscle there is..even when I flex my leg it doesn't change..
At 25 mgs at least I won't have TO far to go if I have to go through WD.. It'll be far enough though.. It's not good..
Well..take care and i hope everyone else is OK.. I do understand the world doesn't revolve around my piddly problems.. Wouldn't that be nice, huh?
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PostSubject: Re: pretty good in Texas   Sun Jul 05, 2009 11:42 pm

Hello mram,
I don't understand what you mean by, you have to scroll down the page.
Have you had any luck getting back into the other clinic that you were talking about?
You mentioned that WTCR gets their funding from the county. Is that maybe like the county health department? I am wondering because I was also wondering if they have any type of other medical services that you could access so that you can get your other medical issues taken care of.
It sounds like you are loosing a lot of weight and maybe muscle mass. Am I right?
Don't worry about posting your problems, that's what we are here for.
I am sorry that I haven't answered you sooner. I myself have been ill. Last week, I was in bed most of the week with Pneumonia and am just now getting it back together. So I do apologize for not talking to you sooner like I should have.
Sorry to hear about the flat tire. It seems like when one thing goes it all goes.
I do hope that things start to turn around for you.
I've had to withdrawal from Methadone once. It was probably one of the worst things that I have gone through. But yes, I did make it through although it is not something I would recommend to anyone if they can avoid it.
Is there any type of agency where you live that can help you to get the money that you need for your ID? What about Voc-Rehab?
Please let me know how you are doing.
Dee


"I will let yesterday end so that today can begin"



Never take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider
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lilgirllost
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PostSubject: my clinic in texas   Wed Jul 08, 2009 12:01 am

Too bad all clinic in Tx aren't like yours. The one I go to is for profit and I always feel like they are just a legal drug pusher. They can go up on your fees anytime they like (they have done so 6 times in the 8 yrs i have been going there) and they charge for everything. They can do what they want with your dose and if you don't like it, tough. I mean come on, what are we going to do??? That is the same way with a dealer, they know you have to have what they are selling and you will do whatever you have to to get it. They don't provide "counseling" or anything like that (you have to check in with the counselor and sign your treatment plan and such but never any real counseling)

They no longer video/watch you pee (the had a camera in the bathroom to watch you) but I never really had a problem with that anyway. As long as you have nothing to hide I feel like it shouldn't be a prob. But that is just my opinion.

As long as you pay your fees, don't cause any problems and don't want to go over 120mg, my clinic is great but the first time you deviate from any of those rules, you are in for problems. I am trying ot get them to go over my 120 mg and they are fighting me tooth and nail. If you want the details on my experience with that, check out my post under "Is your dose holding you" and you can read about my nightmare with that.

That is the only clinic I have experience with because it is the only one I have gone to the whole 8 yrs I have been in MMT. If someone asked me if they should attend one of this lady's clinics (she has 2) that is prob what I would tell them. But MMT clinic are few and far between in this neck of Tx so there again, she can do what she wants because you can't go somewhere else if you don't like it.
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PostSubject: Re: pretty good in Texas   Sun Jul 12, 2009 12:23 pm

Hello again
Well, things are going a little better..not great, but somewhat better. I go Monday morning to the crappy clinic at 5:30 am. I'm not looking forward to dealing with them, but am looking forward to not having to scrape pennies together every day. I just now hope they don't decide to pull some new crap up out of the blue to put me off again. They're real good at that.
I also am still trying to get health coverage, but they told me I have to have some kind of bills sent to me..in other words mail to say I actually live here even though I just got a picture ID made and ironically, not good enough. It's OK for the state and police, but not health care..The problem is I never get mail from anyone or very rarely so I have to try to get the clinic(s) to send me some kind of mail. I also have to register to prove I'm unemployed.. It's like they sometimes say..you have to have proof that you can't get any proof.
It's almost like theists..Prove that god doesn't exist.. OK then..
Anyway..things are beginning to look up somewhat.. As far as my legs..well they haven't been as painful as they had been, but the muscles are cutting out on me a little more every day and the heat here in TX has been NO HELP AT ALL.. 104 today..

lilgrllost I can sympathize, but at least you do have some sort of treatment which is much better than none at all. No treatment is going to the real dope dealers.
I went through accusing clinics of the very same thing, but does your clinic meet you at the door with guns? Do they look out windows all day watching for police? Moreover do YOU look for cops everywhere when you go to your clinic? (OK, I do, but I have no drivers license..different story..Wink
I agree with you though and have made this point many times before, when there is no competition clinics are free to railroad patients any way they want so perhaps you should consider moving where there is some competition. i know that would be a HUGE step, but it might be a move that can free you up for better treatment. Under your conditions i know i would be close to snapping. I don't typically take much crap from clinics. I might have to now, but it will be limited on what i will take from them.
I no longer care what they put down as far as whether I can pee that day or not. Put down that I'm a helpless junky if they want. I've been clean 6 yrs and have zero takeouts and know i won't get any from these people even though they have no real excuse to prevent it, but they will anyway. The very first move they made my first day there was to take my takeouts away because i had to split my own dose because i didn't know if i would be able to dose or not so like an idiot I told them the truth, something i will never do again with them. Now I expect nothing from them so I have no reason to cooperate in any way that may or may not benefit myself. i know i will get no real possitive benefit from them. I'm completely convinced they are in it for the money and the hell with what the patients need.
Counseling has never been useful as far as I'm conserned. Hell, this place took my takeouts away once only because my ex wife walked out on me. They thought there was no way I could make it without wanting to use. Go figure, huh?
As far as a dose cap.. Hey, I dropped from 145 mgs a day down to 12 mgs at one time and I'm now at 25.. Cap me all you want. Hell, I'm below where new patients start.. It wasn't easy, but I made it in a short period of time too..about 4 months or so. i dropped 5 mgs a week and at one time 10 weekly.. 12mgs was the wall I hit that i just couldn't get past.
Well, folks..I'm watching the news and hoping they hang Dickhead Cheney from the Washington monument, but i doubt they will..
Take care..

M
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PostSubject: Re: pretty good in Texas   Sun Jul 12, 2009 12:48 pm

I agree with what you are saying about "I went through accusing clinics of the very same thing, but does your clinic meet you at the door with guns? Do they look out windows all day watching for police? Moreover do YOU look for cops everywhere when you go to your clinic?" But it is still so frustrating to me that the same ppl who claim they are there to help us, put the most restrictions on us.

Again, I think it goes back to what we have both been saying about
"clinic competion"......this clinic KNOWS I don't really have much choice because there aren't that many around that I could go to. I drive over 6 hrs round trip to go to this clinic. To be there in time for their strict dosing hrs, I have to leave my house at 3AM and drive 3 hrs to be there on time.......(I live in Louisiana but drive to this clinic in Tx because it is the clinic I started out at (we moved to La about 4 yrs ago), and the only clinic I have been to) I checked around and there is a clinic about 1 1/2 hrs away BUT they are more expensive by about 150 bucks a month and the most I could ever hope to take out is two weeks at a time (I am once a month now) and would make me go back down to once a day until they "got used to me". We have one vehicle that my husband has to use for work so there is NO WAY I could even begin to start over once a day again, plus the other drawbacks I mentioned.

It is just so frustrating because they already have so much control of my life and I hate it. But please don't mistake me, I am so thankful to be able to have MMT because it did save my life, my marriage and my sanity, but it doesn't make it any less frustrating.

Thanks for sharing your experience and you should be darn proud that you are able to maintain at the low dose you have worked yourself down to. We all know how hard that must have been and I admire you for being able to do it.

take care and hope to hear from you again!


RuthAnn
aka lilgirllost

We are not bad people trying to become good, we are sick people trying to become well.

Methadone; A Flicker Of Light In The Dark
www.medicalassistedtreatment.org
www.suboxoneassistedtreatment.org
We are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
If you cannot afford to call us, send us an email and
we will call you at our expense.
Office: 1-770-334-3655~ Cell: 1-770-527-9119
Email: mrdeanv@aol.com
ALL INFORMATION IS KEPT STRICKLY CONFIDENTIAL
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PostSubject: Re: pretty good in Texas   Sun Jul 12, 2009 1:39 pm

Sure..a long trip is no fun, but at least you make it once per month.. I was driving 15-20 miles every day..well, 6 days a week. $5 in gas plus clinic fees The cost, $300 a month($10 a day) plus gas plus UA's are $6 per month and with any back bills it's $11 A DAY TILL IT'S PAID OFF..(OOPS capslock), but still MUCH cheaper than a heroin habit.. Now I'll only have to go about 15 blocks and no cost excepot the occasional fee for odds and ends I can handle.. But the fee is through putting up with extraordinary crap.. 1/2 dozen of one, six of the other i guess.
Keep in touch with their certification group.. (wrong term, but you know who)..
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PostSubject: Re: pretty good in Texas   Mon Jul 13, 2009 8:10 am

I knew it. I just freakin knew it.. This crappy (sh*tty actually) clinic decided my state issued paper ID wasn't good enough even though my counselor was told otherwise. So now I have to wait for my picture ID to arive in the mail 6-8 weeks from now or maybe sooner if the state actually gets anything done on time and at this point I hold zero hope out for that.
I have NO way to earn a living other than scrap metal and the temps are 104 outside. It's tempting to just go out in it and hope like hell it stops my heart.
I honestly feel like going back over there and just ripping someones face off their damned stupid head for lying to me like this, but I expect nothing less from people like that. Yet at the same time they expect some kind of biblical honesty buillsh*t from patients.
I knew I was going to get screwed again by these people and what makes me want to vomit even more..they have the same dead weight people still working there...the same lousy, good for absolutly nothing so called counselors. This is it..I'm going on blind dosing as of today. The sooner I can get off of this stuff the better. If i ever have to so much as look at their fat ass empty headed faces again it'll be much to soon.
Sorry for the rant..I'd much rather scream it at the top of my lungs, but my dog wouldn't know what I'm saying.
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Humor : I don't have a sense of humor.............
Registration date : 2009-05-25

PostSubject: Re: pretty good in Texas   Mon Jul 13, 2009 12:31 pm

You do not have to feel bad for 'ranting' to us, that is what we are here for! And you might actually scare your doggie screaming and yelling at home so don't feel bad for laying it out to us.

Are you going to the free clinic now, is that right? What are they making such a big deal about a state ID? I don't know about other clinics, but at mine if you don't have a state id/dl then they will take other forms of ID (it may take SEVERAL other forms but at least they will take another form) so I wasn't sure why they are making the big deal. Are they withholding your meds because of it?

With all of your other health problems you don't need this one top of that and I am so sorry you are having to go through this. Keep us posted how things turn out and hang in there!


RuthAnn
aka lilgirllost

We are not bad people trying to become good, we are sick people trying to become well.

Methadone; A Flicker Of Light In The Dark
www.medicalassistedtreatment.org
www.suboxoneassistedtreatment.org
We are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
If you cannot afford to call us, send us an email and
we will call you at our expense.
Office: 1-770-334-3655~ Cell: 1-770-527-9119
Email: mrdeanv@aol.com
ALL INFORMATION IS KEPT STRICKLY CONFIDENTIAL
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PostSubject: Re: pretty good in Texas   Wed Jul 22, 2009 5:22 am

Thanks..and no, I'm still in the pay clinic for the forseeable future because the free one wants an official picture ID even though the bastards know damned good and well exactly who i am. I've been a patient there twice..
This and many other things have left me in depression mode once again.. Suicide has never been far from my consiousness and in fact i attempted twice before age 10 and many times since.
I gave up on "mental health" eggspurts years ago as utterly useless quacks. I've had more quackery pulled on me than I'll ever let them play on me again. I would stand a better chance with some goddamned baptist preacher who wants to put rattle snakes up my ass and shake his head pretending to talk in tongues than the quackeries. Both stand about in the same light with me so please..don't suggest either.
No offense to anyone, but I deal in facts and not mumbo jumbo voodoo god spells or experiments of seeing if locking me in a box for a week naked will change my behavior or electric shocks to my ass with drugs that make the walls melt to boiling point. NO THANKS on either one.. Been there..done it.
I learned a long time agoi to just ride the waves of crud and if I get lucky I might not wake up some day, but most times i do and regret it..
Sorry for my bad mood.. I'll be 50 tomorrow and feel every minute of it and never really wanted to make 40 much less 30 but I'm still alive despite all the crap I've put myself through. maybe some nut will get on the freeway going the wrong way..then he'll hit the bus full of nuns next to me and I'll drive on and never even know it happened.
Have a great day.. I'm sure not counting on it..
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PostSubject: Re: pretty good in Texas   Wed Jul 22, 2009 12:42 pm

You said you deal only in facts and here is a fact....I am really concerned about you. Please don't take that the wrong way but I am very concerned about you and your well being.

I too have been through severe depression, for most of my life since I can remember, even as a child. I tried legitimately killing myself 3 times (not the cries for help attempts where I knew someone would come to my rescue) and like you said, I would go to bed each night wishing, praying and/or hoping to not wake up the next day. It is not a good place to be, but you have got to do something.

You are dealing with alot right now. You are dealing with your health problems, your addiction and your depression. Any one of those things by themselves is hard enough, you are dealing with all of them. Sometimes, one thing can cloud out the importance of the other. You have been focused on your health so long that you let your depression get a hold or you are dealing with your addiction and it clouds out the importance of your physical health.........but they all go hand in hand. One affects the other and you trying to deal with all of them.

I know you said you don't believe in the mental health people and even have no "use" for religion, but you have got to do something. You believe in the medicinal benefits of methadone, so why not medicinal therapy for depression? It is a disease as well (you don't want me to start quoting medical journals about depression & the benefits of antidepressants do ya???) and I can speak from personal experience on this too that the medication does help. You don't have to go to what you call "a mental health eggspurt" to get them, you can get them from your local doctor or whichever doctor is treating you for your other medical problems.

You also need someone to talk to beside us out here in cyberland. In my personal opinion someone to talk to does NOT NECESSARILY have to be a MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL but you do need someone to talk. Someone that can be there in person to talk to you and let you vent and to maybe give you some sound advice on how to handle certain situations.

I don't know you very well, but it sounds like your illnesses keep you pretty much isolated (not to mention in pain and discomfort so that you may not feel like being around other people) and I think it would do you good to have someone just to talk to.

I know you are going to get me for this one too, but I am sure I have already got you upset with me so I am going to go all out now! lol! You don't have to go to one of those preachers and have em "put rattlesnakes up your **s" or even to a religious person at all, but we can all agree there is something out there that is bigger than us and I think finding that "thing" to put your faith in, whether it is God, Allah, or just "the great beyond" would help too.

I know, I know, you are probably rolling your eyes at me and thinking "what piece of crap pie has she been eatin off of??", I know you are because if I was still in my depression that is exactly what I would be doing, but I am serious, I am really worried about you and feel you need to do something.

Not a single one of those things, medication, talking to someone and/or finding that Higher Power will do it all by themselves. You will have to combine those three things and work them all three together before you will get some relief, but I promise you, if you will do these things, it can be done. I am living proof of that.

I am sorry I am rambling, and again, I am sure I have got you mad at me for some of the things I have said. I just can't seem to find the exact words to get across to you what I want to say. But I do want you to know that I do care about you though, we don't know each other personally but I feel like I have gotten to know you through your posts, and I am very worried about you.

Hang in there!

RuthAnn


RuthAnn
aka lilgirllost

We are not bad people trying to become good, we are sick people trying to become well.

Methadone; A Flicker Of Light In The Dark
www.medicalassistedtreatment.org
www.suboxoneassistedtreatment.org
We are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
If you cannot afford to call us, send us an email and
we will call you at our expense.
Office: 1-770-334-3655~ Cell: 1-770-527-9119
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PostSubject: Brazoria, TX   Fri Jul 31, 2009 9:49 am

That is where my boyfriend started he was there a long time his cousin was there for 7 yrs. He feels like this is the bst clinic he has ever been to. Take homes are very easy to get, they have it all premade so you go in and are out quickly. They dont immediately take them when you test dirty they realize that you don't turn it off immediately and that slip backs occur. They are a small clinic and very personable! You can call anytime and let them know you have an issue and they deal with it be it showing up late needing to raise your dose etc.
On the other hand he has guest dosed at MANY places and he says Nashville, TN is the worst they always lose your paperwork they are packed full of people and they give you hell everytime you show up to dose his son lives there so he guest dosed there a lot!
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PostSubject: Re: pretty good in Texas   Fri Jul 31, 2009 12:47 pm

which clinic did your boyfriend start at? the one in arlington or the one is huntsville and/or conroe?

I have gone to the one in huntsville, Tx for most of the 9 yrs I have been in treatment. The one in conroe is owned by the same person and the same doc and nurses travel to it and work at it too. I transferred to the conroe clinic because the huntsville clinic changed their hours and would only dose at 5PM, not AM but PM. That did not work for me having to drive 6 hrs round trip so I transferred to thier conroe.

This owners clinics are such a good example, that the SAMHSA has her go around to other clinics to help show them how to run thiers. She has traveled all over La, Tx and Ok doing this.

I never had any probs with this clinic and bunch of staff all the years I was there. They always understood if I was going to be late, they even let me come a day early several times (and didn't make me dose in front of them on those days I came early), if I couldn't pee that day, they wouldn't make a big deal out of it and let me wait till next time I came (when I was coming in more than once a month), if you had a dirty UA, they put you on probation for 3 months and they didn't automatically drop your level or punish you for it (unless you had another dirty UA while on probation) they never gave me a hard time about anything and I had no problems or complaints (other than the cost and the fact that they kept going up on the cost and they couldn't keep the same staff very long) They were great people who didn't treat me rude either and I got along great with all of them........... THAT IS UNTIL I WANTED TO GO OVER 120 mg. Now I am having all kinds of hell. It is like a total different clinic now that I am dealing with this and it is totally unfair.


RuthAnn
aka lilgirllost

We are not bad people trying to become good, we are sick people trying to become well.

Methadone; A Flicker Of Light In The Dark
www.medicalassistedtreatment.org
www.suboxoneassistedtreatment.org
We are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
If you cannot afford to call us, send us an email and
we will call you at our expense.
Office: 1-770-334-3655~ Cell: 1-770-527-9119
Email: mrdeanv@aol.com
ALL INFORMATION IS KEPT STRICKLY CONFIDENTIAL
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Registration date : 2009-07-29

PostSubject: Brazoria   Sat Aug 01, 2009 5:52 pm

Brazoria Texas it's right on the gulf. Now I don't think that they were monitered to closely. They were very linient and small
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PostSubject: Re: pretty good in Texas   Tue Oct 20, 2009 7:45 am

Hi Ruth..
It's been a while and I finally got settled back into the free clinic. They were like pulling teeth, but I can be a pest too I guess.
I gave the so called counselor hell and she told me I smell! I can't bath daily so what am I supposed to do? Stand outside naked and do rain dances? I asked her if she owns a whorehouse in Paris somewhere because she smelled like a $3 whore so we're even.
Anyway..I'm finally in and I also wrecked my truck into some Bozo.. It wasn't actually my fault, but the cops knew I had no license so they got to pin the whole thing on me then rewrite the damned law on the spot. What can i do?
I have to go sit two days in jail for what they called a hit n run, but that's nothing as long as they don't decide to hold me for other jurisdictions too.
I'm still depressed and suicidal, but I'm dealing with it in a methodical way now.
At least I'm not feeling batty now which is good and I set the ground rules with me at the clinic..DON'T expect me to just lay down and die for them!
My dad used to say Christ didn't go nail himself on the cross just for you!..and he didn't do it for the clinic either.
I do know that some day I'm going to die. There is no doubt about that. I smoke hand rolled cigarettes like they quit growing papers then reroll the butts two or theee times and smoke those and the hell of it..I can still breath!
I have utterly no fear of it (the end part) and no fear of what happens after i die. I know what happens.. My body rots..period..end of story.
Damned...I want a dish of ice cream! Oh well...
I learned I can't get disability until I get every fine in every jurisdiction cleared and go back to my home state and do the time they have in mind for heroin possession 7 years ago.. HA! Like I have plans to go there, get raped in prison then die so all "The People" will feel all safe from this heroin fiend.
I've been clean now 7 yrs and "The People" want their pound of flesh..Oh yeah...Justice must be done, but the fly in the ointment here is that there is no justice anymore. It's JUST US.."The People" who pull the strings and don't care what happens to their victims.
"The People" have stopped being regular people. It's stock brokers and bankers who have wrecked our nation, raped it then sold it to the communists and now they run the system worse than any gulage of the old Soviet type. No, these diabolical fiends run it like Mao set up the forced labor camps in China and if you don't work for Wall street inside the walls you rot and die and get raped by the monsters inside... New word: Prison Industrial Complex and before I go there to give my pound of flesh with MS (multiple sclerosis) I'll go for a walk into a train at high speed. I have utterly no desire to live under those terms and won't so when the sun shines the right way for me I'm checking out with my own pound of flesh or whatever is left of me when it's all said and done.
It might not be today or tomorrow, but I'll bide my time and wait for the perfect combination of whatever cocktails I can come up with and justice can just wait for the next life.
In th meantime I'm getting REAL tired..damned MS meds.. useless crap!
I'll write later and try to keep in touch better.... Be good!
and...Thanks for letting me rant.
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PostSubject: Re: pretty good in Texas   Tue Oct 20, 2009 2:57 pm

glad to see you are still around and doing ok. I was concerned there for a while and didn't know what was going on.

Yes, you are right........we are all going to die some day. that is a fact that there is NO way around it and it's good that you aren't scared of death but I wouldn't think it is such a good idea to be so anxious to experience it!

Anyhow, glad you checked back in with us to let us know you are still here and stay in touch!
ruthann


RuthAnn
aka lilgirllost

We are not bad people trying to become good, we are sick people trying to become well.

Methadone; A Flicker Of Light In The Dark
www.medicalassistedtreatment.org
www.suboxoneassistedtreatment.org
We are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
If you cannot afford to call us, send us an email and
we will call you at our expense.
Office: 1-770-334-3655~ Cell: 1-770-527-9119
Email: mrdeanv@aol.com
ALL INFORMATION IS KEPT STRICKLY CONFIDENTIAL
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mram50



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PostSubject: Re: pretty good in Texas   Sat Oct 24, 2009 7:23 am

S'alright..
I've stopped thinking of suicidal thoughts as mental illness. In this world we send children to war (in some places) use rape as a tool, in this country hold 1/4 of the entire worlds inmates, throw people out of their homes for not being able to pay off outrageous medical bills, have thousands and maybe millions of hidden homeless people we simply cover up. While on the subject of prisons, we rename it a benign term of corrections then tell people who are doomed to be raped inside, "well you shouldn't brake the law" then tell sick and depraved jokes of "don't drop the soap' and somehow think jail house rapists do us some sick, depraved favors and suicidal thoughts are thought of as mental illness?
It's the sick mindset that pervades our world that is the mental illness, hardly the people who would rather opt out of it.
Where we drop bombs from 20,000 feet up and call it carpet bombing like it's so sanitary like vacuuming your rug and depression is somehow mental illness..Depression is perfectly normal behavior more so than 9/10's of the crap going on in our world..
Oh well..try telling that to the people who get a 4 yr degree and get appointed the power to make life and death decisions on our behalf AS IF 4 yrs in any college can prepare anyone for such decisions.
Have a pleasant day.
Stay out of the way of the monsters out there..it's the best we can hope for anymore.

M
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