Oh my it's been so long since I posted on here and I had posted my entire experience of trying to get off methadone! Well, I'm still on the program, but I'm doing wonderful! I also started doing a therapy call EMDR. I'm still in recovery and this is just another part I'm doing to continue growing. The methadone program has been so good for me. I have changed and am changing every year. It's exciting because I've been single for a long time for the first time in my life. Since I was 12 I had girlfriends always. They were always long term, a year of more. I was addicted to having a girl to love me. But, I've grown into an entirely new man. The next relationship I'm in will be for life I just know it. I've learned to love myself over this time. I've learned to enjoy life single. But, during this time my relationships with my family(son and mother) and friends are so positive! I can't begin to explain my gratitude, because I'm so much more forgiving. I give grace to my friends and loved ones now and am not so easily hurt. I could just go on and on about the personal internal changes that have enabled me to become a good friend, father and son! I'm so happy and hopeful and have a since of piece I've NEVER had before unless I just shot some brown. The six years of work I've put in since beginning the MMT has been worth it! I've done lots of meetings, church, reading, praying and therapy including cognitive behavior, which i still use.
If you are on MMT use it how it was designed! It's a real treatment program that enabled me to work on me. I'm 43 and I just know that this last half of my life is going to be incredible. It already has been and I'm enjoying connections and relationships and the love in them that I haven't tapped into before so deeply. I have a feeling my relationships are going to continue to grow and flourish, which is exciting. I mean the amount of love between my son and I is incredible! He is 16 years old and hugs me, tells me he loves me ect etc. I know I'm sounding mushy and half crazy, but recovery has been SO rewarding. I'm being filled up with joy and it's not because I got a new car, girl or set of threads.
My plan is still to get off methadone. But, I'm not rushing at this point because I'm doing so well. When the time is right I believe I will know inside of me.
Thanks everybody for this site and D who takes the time to manage it etc.