1 Week Home from Hospital

Well, today marks 1 week of being home from the hospital and I stopped painkillers yesterday. I am ran out and decided to not try and get more. I am due for a urine test this Thursday anyway and I would rather it come back clean than my counselor have to do all the extra paperwork with me being allowed to be on them.

Unfortunately, I feel weird about all of this. My husband goes back to work today and I am scared. I actually miss the hospital. They were so nice to me and took such good care of me there that there is something inside of me that is afraid to live right now. Being alone to handle the household chores on my own and taking care of the two litters of puppies....4 are 8 weeks old and 6 are a week and a half old. My hands are full and most of it is with puppy poop. I am holding my Methadone dose in very high regard. It is what works best for the pain and I am trying to take my take home dose in 2 intervals so I can get that "kick in" feeling twice in one day instead of once. Compared to alot of you, I think I am on an low dose. You don't have to pay anything at my clinic except for a $5 a month take home charge for supplies so they have a limit of between 100-120 mg and it is really hard to get over 100mg. I am on 95 but I never took heroine. I was a pill freak. I took between 30 and 50 a day depending on what kind of opiate it was so I was lucky to even get the dose I did.

I will leave you all with that. I can't type anymore and I need to do some hard thinking today about how to handle all these feelings I am having.

Hugs to all of you out there and stay safe.

Pam