Getting through the jitters at the end of treatment.

Can anyone help me????? I go down to 20ml of methadone this tuesday!!! Its been a mad journey but since xmas i`ve held it together much more and reduced from 50mls. This time around i`ve been on methadone for 30mths. Highest dosage 75mls and lowest 22mls pretty much a couple of months from starting. This is the best i`ve done on this treatment in the community.

The last time i came of methadone was in a closed enviroment. After being on 4mls for a few days and feeling not good i thought i may aswell knock it on the head. I felt ill for some time and no sleep for 10days or so. By this time i was a basket case!!!!

Mentally i`m in the best shape i`ve been in and have attended many 12step meetings.

Heres the crunch question!!!! can anyone suggest medication to help with the final withdrawls? I`m not looking at going down the benzo route even if only a couple of weeks. I`m an addict who would`nt be able to make them last a couple of hours never mind a couple of weeks... The medication i`m looking for is something for the other symptoms, the jitters and i get really bad indiegestion also through withdrawls. I`d forgot about that gem untill i went from 30 to 25ml and a couple of days later i was not in the best of shape. Not a epidemic but hey i`m a man any pain is not good. Any advise would be appricated.

Good afternoon jonno40 and welcome to the forum.
I'd like to ask you a question without offending you. Why do you feel the need to stop taking Methadone? You said, "Mentally I'm in the best shape I've been in and attended many 12 step meetings".
Have you thought about staying on Methadone as a maintenance medication?
Many people have found they do much better when they stay on with maintenance. To put pressure on yourself is not fair to you. Leaving MMT prematurely could result in relapse.
Some people have found that when they try to stop taking Methadone altogether they seem to hit a brick wall once they get to a certain dose and if you are one of those people there is nothing wrong with staying at a low dose indefinitely.
I'm sure that some of our members will be along to offer some feedback and support. Good luck to you and I hope everything turns out the way you want it to.

Thanks Dee for your reply. I see what your saying about a low dose maintance program and it makes sense for a lot of people. For me though i really wanna get clean from everything. In this moment i`m determined to do this...
The agency that perscibes me are now talking about a switch to subutex, Not to leave me parked up on them but around a 9-10 weeks detox. A close freind of mine has just done the same thing and he said its the best move his made. I was with him alot of the time after completion and he seemed ok, raving about how it was no sweat
I know its different horses for different courses. I`d be stupid to think cos it worked for him its gonna work for me.....
I`m just worried about the end to be honest... I really want to see it out.. I`m fed up with going to the pharmacy every day but sunday.. Thats cos evrytime in the past when i get to the 3rd clean test i ham it up.. Telling myself i can have a treat, this year though i have been working hard on that. It`s certainly not a treat..... It`s a step closer to the madness i`m trying to leave behind me.
Thanks for taking time out to reply. Any advise would be really appricated....
john

I don't know what kind of advice I can give you about using Subutex as a tool for stopping your Methadone.
I switched over to Suboxone after taking methadone for four years, not because I wanted to but because I felt like I had no choice. The waiting list for MMT here was almost a year long and I didn't want to travel out of state to dose.

You sound determined and I want to wish you the best of luck. Everyone wants to be free of opiates whether it be street drugs, pain pills, Suboxone or Methadone. We all have that desire but for some the reality is maintenance is what works for them.
If you start a taper plan with Subutex, please stop by and post to let us know how your doing. It may help someone else who is thinking about stopping.
From what I've been told about tapering it is better to do a slow taper. Timing is a big part of the process.
Keep in mind that we are here for you if you need to talk or vent.

Thanks Dee..
I`ve been to see my perscriber at the clinic today. I had a liver function test done around 4-5months back and now nobody seems to know where they have gone. This will take another 4weeks to look at switching to subutex.
I`ve made my decision i`m going to stick with the methadone. I start 20mls tomorrow, this is going to be for 2wks. then from 18mls i`m going to go down 2mls a week until i get to 10mls. Then i will look at maybe the same reductions if things are going well. If not so well then maybe 1ml a week til the end.
The clinic i use i have been there for 30months. At times my drug use has been eratic but as things have calmed down a lot and i`m not using on top. They say i`m ready to go to shared care which could be at my local G.P surgery. For the first two appoinments thats at another clinic while they set shared care up. This is causing me some concerns. Yes i want to be off treatment and have done my best not to put any thing in the way which could set me up to fail. Guess i`m worried that at such a key time there is going to be changes.
I`ve been donig voluntary work and training, to work with men with anger problems and also with the family intervention program. I have a really good chance of turning all my life around this is why i need to finish my treatment, as the powers from above wont touch me whilst on this medication. I guess its the stigma that goes with the medication. I was soley taking it for heroin reasons.
Thanks for your support with my dilemna...
john

jonno40, I just you online at one of the other sections of the forum. I hope you will see this before you log off today.
How are things going for you? Have you been able to get into Shared Care yet? When you do, will you post to let me know how it works?

Dee, Hi, since my last post the shared care thing was put on hold as my perscribers wanted the tick in their box. lol. Then one day last week i got a call asking if i was on any other meds, which i`m not. No explaination was given, just really saying they were updating files. Then to my surprise i received a letter telling me that i have an appointment at another perscriber on 9th may. the day before i start 12mls. This is to see the doctor and my new support worker. Since I`ve been in treatment this time, the clinic were their sending is the one place i have tried to avoid from day one. I feel this is unfair but i`m going to try and use this, as a test to my resolve and it makes me more determind not to "crumble".

I dont know how thing work in the US regarding treatment. My brother lived in Chicago from 1980 til he moved to Cali, Los gatos in around 2000. I moved there in 1993 for nearly 2yrs to live the American dream which turned quickly into the "American Nightmare" before i came to the states, the english scene was about raves, taking LSD, E, and Speed. So moving to Barlett, IL 20 mins away from Chicago, which was one of the homes of "House Music" which i loved i could`nt wait to go clubbing. Whilst clubbing could`nt find no "Ectasy" so i soon discoverd cocaine, which soon clubbing went out of the window, as i found crack. Which surprise, surprise I liked very much. A stint in a mental place, followed buy a stint in a rehab in Rockford, IL, LIfe for the first time suddenly became very dark. I was a car sales exec, selling dodges then chevy`s `somewhere else.
My employers were really supportive at first and my medical insurance coverd 80% of my rehab bills, so my 10 day stint in rehab cost me $2000. In the end i had shamed my brother, the people close to him and the guy i used to D.J for some weekends. So i came home. To eventually a life of crime, heroin and anything else i could get my hands on.

Anyways thats all a long story now which feels like it never happend. I did love it over there at first though

Thanks for the update. The appointment that you have on the 7th, is this the first of the two before you start with your local GP? Will you still have that option?
If your not comfortable with this prescriber don't stay if you feel it is not in your best interest.
You are doing a great job with your tapers. How are you feeling so far?
Do you still have family here in the States? You have a new life now so if you were to visit your brother maybe the two of you could find a way to make up for lost time. I haven't seen my brother since 1988, and I miss him terribly. One of my dreams is to be able to see him before it's too late for either of us.
It was good to hear from you and hear a little of your story, keep in touch. We are here if you need us. Anytime.

Hi, since my last post everything has been ok.... I`m currently on 10mls now and starting 8 on tuesday. I am well pleased with my progress. Its not been totally plain sailing though i seem to spend more days a week feeling a little sick then i do feeling ok. Its not unbearable, i`m starting to feel a few aches and pains now. The end of my finger tips always seem to be cold. The one good thing to come from it is, that i dont walk around sweating anymore but nose runs a little. Hey what more can i want???

Always the addict, when its good i find away to pull it to bits. The doctor i saw at the new perscribers was ok.................. He looked very much like Dr Shipman who hung himself in jail for killing his patients..................... That was a little ironic to say the least, but he said he would be very happy to perscibe me as much symptomatic relief as i need. But i can have one script of benzo`s to help sleep at the end. He stated that if i took them all at once i get no more. I dont want any benzo`s he may as well be shooting me up with smack as give me them..... But he mentioned some stuff to stop the spazams and the stomach ache.

I look at this way its not gonna be as bad as doing your cluck from heroin when you cannot get a raise to go out and score with. I was anti methadone till i started to use it properly.. I also now understand that for people who take it for pain reilef must really need it. Its just the stigma of going to the pharmacy and my pharmacy dont have a private booth so everyone see`s what your upto. But fair play to my pharmarchists thay have been lovely people and really suported me throughout this. Saying that I have never took the P out of them and been stealing from their shop when their back is turned... I feel when on heroin respect has to be earn`t in a place like that.

So its all good, I hope everyone who reads this stays safe. XXOOX

Thanks for the update. I am glad to hear that things are going well for you.
It sounds like you have a good relationship with your provider and that he will take care of you as you need it. Your probably right about not taking any benzos. You can always try taking some Melatonin for sleep issues when the time comes if you need it. It is non habit forming and available most anywhere.
There is something we have here that helps with the stomach. I'm not sure if it is available to you where you are now. It's Imodium (Lopermide). If you want to read more about it you can do it here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loperamide

It's good to have you here and keeping us updated on how you are. I hope that when this journey ends for you, you will stop by from time to time to let us know how things are going.
Enjoy your weekend & keep in touch

Hey hope everyone is good........ I have started 6mls on tuesday and its now friday morning 2.15am,its not looking great on the sleep front tonight. I see my perscriber in a few hours and get my last methadone script.... Even though i should be rejoicing the acheivement, a certain element of fear has kicked in. I have noticed in this last week that things smell different and colours seem so much brighter. Now Im not talking like i have been touched by God, far from it. When i say things smell different they smell bloody awful, Even my fabric conditioner dont smell right and as many times as i clean myself i seem to think that i stink.... Everything aches my legs and arms.
Now even though i dont feel great its not unbearable. Its just slightly uncomfortable and my patience and tolerance is disappearing rapidly.. I just tell myself its part of the package, picking up is still not an option and have not been close to it. I`m quite staunch on not using. I have wanted to give up my detox and live clean maybe for the first time in my life, so i know my head will try and trick me and my addictive side will try and feed me nonsence to go back out there.
Thanks for the advise on the medication. I certainly will take that into consideration later on when i see the doctor etc.
XXOOX

Hi jonno,
As always, it's good to hear something from you. I remember the smells very well. This was way back when I was kicking heroin. Not trying to repeat any war stories here. I do remember the sweating and aches. Everything smelled like something sharp. That's the only way I know how to describe it. Kind of like dirty carpet.

I know you already know to try and keep yourself busy and as hard as that is, it does help. Nights are another story. You can alway come here to vent if you need to. I'll be here to answer.
I just took a look at my calender and your tapering by 2mg a week still. And your doing a great job at it. Please remember to keep yourself hydrated. If you can eat something please try.
We are all pulling for you. Someday I hope to be able to possibly take the same walk you are right now.
Here if you need me,
Dee

Thanks Dee, Went to see doctor last friday and picked up my final script....... So as from tomorrow (Tuesday) i start 4mls for 5days then 2mls for 4days. When they gave me script it was for a week at 4mls but I have to go to a family party the weekend of the 25th, so as i`m at the end they trust me to pick up twice that week so we agreed to do the taper that way. I think i maybe be back together by the time of the party. If not i dont think i will be looking so obvious. They think that i have been clean since leaving rehab 3yrs ago. So i dont drink anyways now so it should be ok. Hopefully that is the last web of deceit that i have to spin. It would do more harm than good to tell them. The Dr was offering me benzo`s again but i knocked them back. I got some tablets for stomach cramps and indegestion. They seem to be working, also purchased some amino acids and shakes, multi vitamins and fish oil...

The sleep stuff is quite patchy, some nights no sleep, and others total sleep. I see it as a bonus when i get a good nights sleep now. I was telling someone at a recovery meeting the other day that i may just knock it on the head now, but he pointed out to me if i was to do that i`m opening the door for a use, with example like "I finshed my script to soon" So just gonna ride it out. I do a uni course on a wednesday hope i dont look much like a give away over the next couple of weeks.

Catch you in a couple of days or so.............

AS much as I'd probably like to have the benzos on hand myself, I think it's a good idea that you turned them down. It's too easy to turn in another direction with another medication.

Good luck, this has been a journey I'm sure. Now that your at the end of that journey and starting another I want to wish you the best.
Starting new is exciting as well as kind of scary, you have come far and I for one am proud of you.
I'd like you to keep checking in though to let us know how you are. I know there are a lot of people who would like to someday take the same road as you someday. You give hope to many.
Have a good day, talk to you soon,
Dee

I was wondering how things have gone for you and how your are doing! Please let us know when you get a chance.

Hey..... Just would like to let you know that i made it to the end. Had the last dose on wednesday. Its only been a couple of days, so its still early days. I totally believe i did the "cluck" on the way down and the end was not so bad. I went from 6mls to 3-1/2mls for 2days then 3mls for 2days and finished off on 2mls for 4 days.

On wednesday i had a few periodic bouts of goosebumps and felt quite uptight. Then yesterday felt much better went to bed at 10.30pm and slept ok. Was having a nightmare and everytime i woke up i dropped straight back to sleep and picked up the nightmare. It was a bit mental to say the least. Today no symtoms but can`t sleep, but hey i will take that all day long.

Just would like to say a massive thank you for supporting me in riding this wave out. I would love one day to be able to repay that back. I certainly have not got things boxed off, but keeping it in the day does help. I do believe in the 12step program but i do struggle with principles over personalities..... Gonna go through the steps again with my sponser starting next week. Maybe then i will be more tolerant over the personalities

AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME! That is all I know to say! You should be so proud of yourself.

Just because you aren't on MMT anymore doesn't mean you can't still be an active participant in the group. Who better to help others than someone who has made it through to the "other side" of MMT. So I do hope that you will stay around and be an active member.

Also, I am sure you know this, but you could still have some physical symptoms even several weeks from now so IF that happens, just remember it will pass. I have known former MMT pts who still had gooshflesh and yawns and trouble sleeping a month after the last dose. Just don't let it discourage you.

We are still here if you need to talk. Addiction is never cured, only managed and treated so you may still struggle with the cravings and other mental aspects of addiction. That is where I want you to know we are here for you.

I think 12 steps, NA and other recovery groups have very valid principals, having said that, there is also a lot that I don't agree with (such as there is no room in recovery for MMT) BUT I have always said, take what you want from them and the rest, don't worry about. There is too much good info and tools to throw out everything they have and stand for just because I don't agree with a few things. (granted they are kinda major things but......lol!) You get what I am saying. Take from them whatever will help you and overlook the rest.

Again, I want to tell you how excited I am for you. I know how hard it is to taper (I have tried twice but have never done it all the way successfully as of yet) so I admire what you have done more than you will ever know.

Thanks for sharing with us and again, we are here for you!

That is probably the best news I've had all week and I am so happy for you. Congratulation and as RuthAnn said, that is AWESOME.

I hope you will remember that you are welcome to come here anytime and post. I think your experience can give hope to many who think they may be ready as well.

What else can I say? I am happy for you and if I wasn't afraid of breaking a bone or two, I'd dance a jig for you.
Best of Luck,
'Dee

Hey Thank u all so much. Its day 6 and had a few symptoms over the weekend but they seem to have passed now. Yes the odd goosebump and shudder still lets me know its about. As far as sleep goes, last night slept the whole night through had a couple of nights like that then the rest not so great.... I bought a step working guide the other day, just by reading a little bit i know i have to seriously bolt down step 1 this time. My reservations last time was its ok to to have a few beers and smoke weed..... Dont think i can get away with that again.

Its cool RuthAnn to not agree with some of it, Listen i hear people share about how spirtual they are, then when making a drink at break they are calling hell out of someone. I certainly dont want that for me, or walk around like I`ve swallowed the book either. Just to be drug free and a lot nicer to myself and others. People who i`ve laughed and joked with in the rooms, then i disappear for 3 or 4 weeeks i go back they act like they dont know me.... Guess thats my stuff eh.
I shall check back in with you all in a few days, Take care