THOUGHT FOR TODAY 9/9/09

There are a lot of little things that go into making recovery what it is, but all those little things add up over time. I'm not sure I could even begin to describe all the little things that go into it. I have just come to accept that when all is added up,that life is good.

This is not to say that there are no more problems, just better ones, or at least better ways to cope with the problems that come up in life. I have been fortunate enough to put together a good deal of time in real recovery, but it has all been done one day at a time.

One of the more important little things is to find gratitude in recovery. This is important now because if I were to be honest, I know for certain that gratitude was not present early in my recovery process. Yes, I was glad I had stopped using, but I was not happy right away. In fact, I was pretty miserable for a while. I'm not even sure when gratitude first came into the picture, but I know at some point in time, it was solidified.

I became grateful for the inner calm and the quiet satisfaction I felt. I became grateful for the ability to forgive myself. I became grateful for the forgiveness I felt from my Higher Power. Have I begun to see the little things add up?

I came to a fork in the road of recovery when I had been on the program for a little bit of time. It was like one day I had to decide okay, am I really going to work the program right or am I going to do things like abuse my take home dose or still try to take other opiates while on MMT? That would entail sneaking around again being decitful not just to the same people I had hurt before, but NOW I also had to try to deceive the clinic as well!

One path led nowhere because it was the path on which I see too many addicts including myself take. Too many times I have seen individuals, again, including myself, get too sure of themselves and think they have finally got it all under control. Meanwhile we are still trying to "play around" and see what works and what won't and not working the recovery process like I should. This path seems to go nowhere because it just goes in circles. I know, because I walked on this path for a time.

The other path leads to a process of preparation and letting go. Finally surrendering yourself to work the program honestly and with my whole heart. I thought that the path that went nowhere would allow me some time to rest, but I found going in circles was not easy. I knew the other path would not be easy either, but at least it led somewhere. If I was going to hang onto that sense of gratitude, then the choice was simple. It was time to move on! And that is exactly what I did and what we all have to do.

Make a committment to yourself today that you will take the right path.