THOUGHT FOR TODAY 9/11/09

I know I am a day early, but tomorrow I leave early for clinic day and then have to go straight from clinic to work so it would be after 8PM before I could post the thought for the day tomorrow. So! I decided to go ahead and post it tonight for tomorrow.

For those I haven't been able to tell yet, I have finally transferred to a new clinic. Tomorrow will be my first day at the new one so we will see. If nothing else, I won't have to make the 3 hr one way trip anymore, this clinic is about 1 hr 15-30 mintues away instead which is a BIG relief.

Don't know how much they will be willing to help me get a theraputic dose over the 120mg that I am currently on (and they don't utilize peak and trough so even my P & T test from the other clinic won't help me at this one either!) The old clinic didn't know HOW to read the darn thing and the new one doesn't use them so I don't have high hopes here either.

Anyway, that is another topic all together. Now for my thought for tomorrow, today.........




We all have that period in the first year or so of recovery where we realize that our eyes are opened and now that we aren't spending all our time chasing our next fix when we realize that HEY! There are so many things that I have missed out on or when you realize something that you couldn't see in the midst of your addiction.

It is like a rebirthing experience, or it was to me anyway. I relished a beautiful sunrise, I was able to think about where and what I really wanted out of life. I realized where I had truely hurt my loved ones and actually felt GUILT and PAIN because of it! So long I was numb to those feelings it was almost an overwhelming, but sweet feeling to actually feel something again.

That is what I was reminded of when I read this poem so I wanted to share it with you guys.

I know I ask all the time for you guys to give your input about things, but I would love to hear about some of you guys's "aha!" moments after being in recovery for a while or your story about this "step" of recovery. yes, I think there are steps in recovery that we will go through whether we really use the 12 steps or not, or some other recovery process type group or just doing it on your own with just MMT. There are phases we all go through if we are truely trying to recover from addiction and the damage we have done, and I believe this is one of them.

New Eyes

I can see through these new eyes
The clearness of today
Through my quest I've realized
The power when I pray
All my need are met, all my fears allayed
I'm resting in God's will
At the end of my journey I know I'll say
All my dreams have been fulfilled
Through these new eyes I can see my flaws
The things I need to change
Destructive patterns and acts that have caused
Myself, and others so much pain
I can accept the human-ness of us all
See that we all make mistakes
I don't have to knock you down so I can stand tall
I can allow you your own space
These new eyes are such a gift you see
Because I was so blind for so long
These new eyes given to you and to me
Will help us see how, together, we're strong
The cloudy veil has been lifted
Unfolding is a brand new day
I thank God for this wonderful gift and
For teaching us all a new way
To see.

written by ~ John Hathaway 08-10-02