What impact Has Your Drug Abuse and Subsequential Move To Methadone Done To You Family And Friends?

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately and have realized just how much my addiction had on my family. We have to realize that we have hurt our family and friends as much as we have hurt ourselves.

Methadone has turned all that around for me. I am starting to have a life that doesn't revolve around drugs and you would have NO idea what that has done. In group today, we talked about guilt and how to deal with the past guilt when pawning belongings from my house to pay for my awful addiction.

One day, I could not get my usual pills because everyone was out of them. I found a few methadone tablets for the same place but realized ater taking one that my withdrawal didn't pick up again for quite a few hours and I was used to having to take more prescriptions painkillers. That is when I decided to go to an Opiate Treatment Program. Luckily, ours is free for those with no insurance. All we have to pay is $5 a month for take-home dose supplies like the bottles.

My drug abuse destroyed my family. It wasn't until I found methadone that we all saw light at the end of the tunnel. Methadone and all the wonderful people at Project Cure in Dayton, OH saved my life.

Please keep sharing your stories and I am a good listener so I look forward to talking to your more.

Thanks for Listening

Pamela

Hi Dee,

Thanks for replying. Since I am new to "A Flicker of Light in the Dark", I am still trying to learn how to navigate the site and browse the discussion topics that are here. I think that the guilt is the hardest part for me. Every day that I look at my son who is graduating high school next month I think of some of the video games or movie collections that I had bought for him for Christmas or His Birthday and pawned to support my habit. As a Mother, how could I have done that to my own son?

Than I look at my husband. This man has hung in there with me through my entire addiction. He was there when it started but also didn't see the warning signs. Heck, he used to sit up all night in front of the T.V. playing Mario Brothers with me and also took some pills because they made us "happy" and able to stay up all night. He has been anti-drug since then. As a teenager, he partied with his friends and smoked dope, did cocaine and a bunch of other stuff but he never got addicted. I think that is why he had such a hard time understanding my addiction. He was able to stop whenever he wanted and it didn't affect him. Anyway, I am getting off point here. I look at him every day and I am in complete awe that he is still with me. If I were him, I would have left me years ago...laugh. He says it is because he can still see who I really am behind the addiction and he has faith that that person will eventually come back to him completely. I am on my way back to him. I have only been in recovery since November of 2007 so about a year an a half. I am and have been on 95mg a day but I am afraid that eventually it will not be enough because our bodies adapt. Unfortunately, our Opiate Treatment Program will only go up to 120mg a day.

I just wish I could get some relief from my guilt, Dee. I get a great deal of help just by being there for others who are going through a rough time with their recovery. If I can help just one person who is having trouble than I feel like I do have a purpose in life. Unfortunately, I am not a religious person so I have a hard time putting my fate in God's hands. I do believe in God but that is a whole other conversation...laugh.

I am a very open and honest person and I have no problem talking about my addiction and recovery with others. I just want to be there for others like others have been there for me. Without people like you, recovery would be much harder to survive.

As you might have noticed, I am a talker and I could go on and on here but I will end it here and say that I look forward to talking with you soon.

Also Yours in Recovery,

Pam