THOUGHT FOR THE DAY 12/24/09 My Christmas's Past...........

Hello everyone. This time I want to share something with you of my own, so you guys bear with me!

I was sitting here trying to decide what to post today and I think back to Christmas's past before I was sober. There is such a big difference in the Christmas's pre sober ones and the ones POST sober.

PRE sober is a no brainer. The only thing I cared about what making sure I had enough pills to get me through the holidays. It involved making plans to go visit my doc ahead of time so I had pills. It also involved making plans to visit other family members....... but not so that I could see them and enjoy time with them. OH NO! It was always to visit with the family members where I knew I might could swipe some of their drugs or planning my trips around who had the best drugs I could steal.

I didn't care that it was suppose to be a time to spend with your family or to watch your children and see the magical excitement that Christmas holds for them. NAH! All I cared about was ME ME ME and my PILLS PILLS PILLS!

It hurts me to think of the special memories that I missed out on because of my addiction. My grandpa who was the best source of good pills is now in a nursing home and he doesn't even know who he is anymore much less who I am and I think of those years when I should have been enjoying the time I had with him at the holidays but instead was plotting to steal his medication that he needed so badly.

I could go on and on with some of the ugly things that I did to those I loved and to perfect strangers who had never done anything to me. BUT we can't dwell on the past like that. If we allowed it to, it would eat us alive and fill us with such shame and remorse that we can't be thankful that we are no longer in that sitation anymore!

This time of year is also a time to be THANKFUL! Thankful that those ugly, shameful days are behind me and I can actually go visit family because I WANT to and not for what I can steal from them.

Thankful that my family & friends can actually have me in their homes without dread and without having to hide all their narcotics and drugs. No time spent worrying about me snooping around and where I am at during any given moment because they can't trust me!

A time for watching my kids enjoy their gifts from santa and not have to worry about how many pills I have left!

A time for dealing with my inlaws and knowing that I did it SOBER!

I am so thankful that I am not so selfish anymore and only caring about ME ME ME and my PILLS PILLS PILLS! There is so much more out there and this is the perfect time of year to stop and be thankful for those things.

I am so thankful!

Merry CHRISTmas you all and have a safe and happy holiday! OH and a SOBER ONE!


I can enjoy life the way it was always meant to be.